Life in Recovery from Post Viral Fatigue

Can you remember the last time you had the flu? Perhaps you had pain in your glands, a sore throat, a blocked nose, aching bones, exhaustion, a headache or nausea.

Maybe you had to go to bed or perhaps you had to battle through because you needed to care for your children. Whatever your circumstances I have no doubt that you felt rotten and were very glad when it was over. Now imagine that the flu stays with you day after day, for weeks on end. This is what post viral fatigue felt like to me, an endless flu.

Last year I went to bed for a what I thought would be a few days and didn’t get up again for six months. My life had been incredibly busy, I worked as a teacher, was studying for a post grad, ran regularly, did bootcamps and dance classes and ran my own youth theatre. To go from this busyness to feeling unable to do anything at all was incredibly distressing and depressing. I hated not being able to manage things and I was also terrified because I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

After several negative blood tests I was finally given a diagnosis of Post Viral Fatigue. At first I resisted this, Post Viral Fatigue felt like a nothing illness. No one really seemed to believe it was real and of course to look at me you couldn’t see that anything was actually wrong. I asked my Dr to do more tests, scans, I even had a camera put up my nose to examine my throat (gross by the way, I don’t recommend it), but I got no answers as to why I felt so unwell and eventually I had to accept what the Dr’s were telling me.

Many times I wish I had broken a bone instead. A broken bone you can see, no one is going to ask you to run a marathon, they understand that there are things you can’t do. With post viral fatigue people assume you can carry on as you did before and to be honest for a long time so did I. Many times I set myself back in my recovery by trying to return to my normal life or by allowing others to push me to do things before I was ready, several times I ended up back in my bed. Eventually I made the decision to leave my teaching job. I had returned part time but it was clear that the job was too demanding physically and emotionally and I knew if I kept going I was heading for a relapse. Now I am a stay at home mum and while I still get bad days at least I don’t get them in front of a room full of fourteen year old teenagers.

I am in recovery now although the Dr has told me it will be a good couple of years before I am back to full health. I am afraid a lot of the time that I will never get back to how I felt before and I will live with this illness forever. I also desperately miss my old life. I miss running, being fit, being able to work and doing lots of projects. Now every decision comes with a price, I have to count the cost of every activity in my day. A late night watching TV can render the next day unbearable, a glass of wine can leave me ill for days. Most of all I have found PVF to be a very lonely illness. People don’t understand it and some people just don’t believe it is real. There is something very isolating about being unwell and not being able to say anything but when you are long term sick people quickly get fed up hearing about it. I have learned to keep the bad days to myself.

What I do tell people is to always put their health first. I believed I could keep pushing my body, take on too much, work through stress and illness and I was wrong. I think mothers in particular can be guilty of pushing themselves to carry on regardless but nothing is worth risking your health, without it your life is very limited indeed so always look after yourself, learn to listen to your body and stay healthy.

About Stephanie Arsoska

Stephanie lives in Scotland with her husband and two children where she runs Little Red Theatre Company. As a writer she has had her work published by The Emma Press, Magma, Prole, Lighthouse, Ink, Sweat & Tears, Nutshells & Nuggets and The Open Mouse. She writes about writing, creativity and life in general over at her blog stephaniearsoska.co.uk.

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