This week we feel controversial, why not, it gets people talking. And ranting, and posting.
Maternal instinct: Are women naturally better parents?
The media bombards us with messages that tell us that women are naturally better parents. Does being a woman automatically give your the upper hand in parenting? Does your partner share equally in the parenting load, or do you carry the lions’ share. And have you ever considered that your partner might actually do more if you let him. Please share your views.
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Blogger of the week: Melksham Mum
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I don’t have time to put a vlog together but my opinion is that this is a viewpoint that has long been perpetrated to keep women in their place.
There is no proof whatsoever that women are better parents, nor is there much proof that men aren’t interested. The workforce has (and still does) made it very difficult for dads to get really involved in the raising of children, while at the same time penalizing women for stepping up and taking time off for sickness or school plays.
I’m not blaming dads here, although men have condoned this practice in the workforce and therefore have to take some responsibility for its existence.
I was with you until the last sentence.
Bob, I’m sorry about that because I don’t mean to come down too hard on dads. However, when we talk about “the workforce” we are essentially talking about a workforce and indeed a corporate culture that was (and still is) run by men. In terms of careers, even if men didn’t agree with the endemic discrimination going on, they usually profited by it either through their promotions or just by having a job that may have otherwise gone to a woman (or a person of colour). When you tacitly condone a practice, you are essentially supporting it and prolonging it.
Unfortunately, I think men are only now realising that they lost out by not having the balanced life they could have had if they hadn’t been tied to a desk and expected to put work ahead of family.
@ExpatMum Amen, sister! There are a lot of structural reasons that mums do more than dads at home that have nothing to do with nature or with who’s “naturally” better at them. I like your point that we all condone this by playing along with the practices in the workforce. To that I’d add that we frequently play it up on the social level – having “mums coffee mornings” after drop off instead of ones that welcome dads, expecting mothers to do a lot of the school stuff (I know that when it comes to organising playdates, arranging school things the vast majority of parents involved are mums).
Just as we need to knock off all the “boys will be boys and girls naturally like pink” nonsense, we need to all take more equitable roles in your daily lives…and applaud those who go against the gender/parent stereotype rather than looking askance.
Here’s one from the network from Ruth https://www.britmums.com/video/ruth-maternal-instinct
I agree with Expat Mum. I have at least two friends who are Waaaaay better parents than their wives. Men who are totally involved and care for their kids and the family in a holistic and rounded way, despite having full time jobs.
I’m a better money earner – I know I am, but I work from home now, as I believe the kids need a parent more than they need material goods. Even if I’m not the worlds best parent.
Sorry I didn’t vlog – maybe next time I’ll be more organised!
@MuminAwe Thanks for the comment. I grew up with a dad who was very involved – he was the one who made me breakfast and also did a lot of the ferrying around to doctor’s appointments and such because his job (as a professor) was more flexible than my mother’s. We’ve seen an unfortunate resurgence in this idea of mothers “naturally” doing certain things for their kids, which ignores not only what dads do but also that a lot of that “natural” behaviour for the mothers is learned as well.
Looking forward to your vlog!