Expat Round-up: It's not you, it's me...

Apologies for the brief interlude! August is typically the busiest month in the life of an Expat, with summer travel coming to an end and the daily cycle of life in a foreign land beginning all over again. Add to that an extreme heatwave here with only a few weeks of pregnancy to go, and I found myself with little time and a distinct lack of energy. But with the return of both cooler weather, and a routine in sight (finally!) – here’s the September Expat round up.

For most of us in the more transient countries of “Expat Land” it’s that time of year when both fledgling arrivals can find their new “home” a struggle, and a few not so fledgling folk can find themselves struggling with that all too familiar “deja vu” feeling as the new school year rolls around yet again, and they find themselves in the same place. With both in mind, the following popped into my head when I recently witnessed someone slightly berating someone else for giving an honest answer when asked their opinion about a place.

A note to fellow expats

When you ask someone how things are going, and that person replies honestly, please don’t make their answers all about you.

If you say, “It’s great here isn’t it?” and the other person doesn’t perhaps feel the same way, accept it. It’s not a reflection on your choices, but theirs!

They may be used to other cities, another life that they are definitely more suited to, or they may simply just get on better with another country. They may not have planned to stay in a place for as long as they have had to, and it may not be that they dislike wherever they are necessarily, but merely that their plans were never to put down roots there forever – and for them, it’s high time to move on to pastures new.

Most importantly, remember it might not have been their choice to live where they do, work circumstances have dictated their host country, and as many “trailing spouses” will tell you, they rarely have a real say in where they go.

Don’t take their feelings as a smear on what you love about your life in a place. We are all (thankfully) individuals moving about this world, and comments such as, “You would like it if you did so and so“, “Maybe if you did this things would be better”, “It’s much better than wherever” or that old favourite “If you don’t like it, maybe you should leave” are not helpful when someone is struggling and merely telling you the truth. Perhaps try to keep the evangelist inside you, be grateful for how happy you are, and if you have the time, just listen. You did ask after all, and anyway, wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same?

(By the way, the above is not applicable to the particular breed of Expat that thrives on moaning, as believe me there are more than a few of those – it was written with those really struggling in mind. Living abroad can be a lonely business!)

So, what do you think about the above? Does it ring true to you? Have you ever been told to “like it or lump it” or words to that effect? Is this a natural part of the roller coaster that is expat life, loving it one minute, hating it the next? What’s your view?

Check out these Expat posts for some good September reading (and don’t forget to leave your own in the linky below to be featured in October’s round up!)

Monkeys and Mountains shows us how to Experience Adventure in the Austrian Alps.

The brilliantly named “Like Some Cat from Japan” explores Busan and Gamcheon.

Gringos Abroad talk to other families about how Moving Abroad has Benefited them.

Huge congrats to Seychelles Mama on the safe arrival of her new addition Freddie Ocean

The Erzatz Expat explores the mysteries of Children’s Shoes shopping in Malaysia

and finally Tiny Expats tells us how we can Help Prepare Children for a Relocation

About Emma Raphael

Emma Raphael left the UK for Copenhagen in 2009, with her ever-patient husband and two small children. Having enjoyed a couple of years in Scandinavia, Emma and her family found they enjoyed Expat life so much that they now reside in Munich – where the pace of life is relaxed, her language skills are small, and the mountains and bier halls are very large. Being one half of a self-proclaimed foodie couple, Emma enjoys the new produce and restaurants in each new country she resides in, and has made it her mission to convince people that English food no longer deserves the bad rap it once had. She can be found in the kitchen when she’s feeling homesick, trying to recreate comfort food from home. She also has huge passions for travel, photography, art, wine, gardening (although according to her Bavarian neighbours, she’s not much good at that!) and her family (of course)!