Guest post: Tiger mothers … and my opinion

At the beginning of this year, Amy Chua hit the headlines across the world for her super-strict approach to parenting. Dubbed the ‘tiger mum’ concept, Chua published her extended advice and beliefs in the book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’. 

Chua spoke proudly of banning sleepovers, refusing her children parts in the school play and demanding nothing less than A grades across the board. The uproar reverberated across the blogosphere and now, after the dust has settled, our very own White Lily Mummy discusses the similarities – and huge differences – between her own situation and Chua’s approach. 

I overheard some people talk about the concept of ‘tiger mums’, and I thought I would Google it – about 56,100,000 results (0.11 seconds).The tiger mum in question here is Amy Chua, the daughter of Chinese immigrants and now a professor and author.

I am also a daughter of two Chinese immigrants. My parents were both born and raised in mainland China and immigrated to the UK some 20-odd years ago. I had a very happy childhood, but my parents worked long hours and as a result were not around very often to do the everyday parenting things. I had to do my own homework, get myself ready for school and look after my little sister but my parents did the very best they could in a country where they could not speak the language.

My parents have always believed that education was the most important factor in life. They did not have an amazing education, so they wanted us to grow up with the best education available for us. I too was not allowed to attend sleepovers, and my homework had to be completed before I was allowed any free time, but it only benefited me in the future.

However, based on Amy Chua’s Chinese model, my parents nor any Chinese parents I know would be classed as ‘tiger mothers’.

My siblings and I always had a full tummy, and were not sent to bed if we didn’t complete our homework. My parents, especially my mother appreciated every little card we made for her and would always spoil us with love and affection.

I suppose Amy Chua could argue that this is the reason why my siblings and I are not medics, or ‘professionals’ but I measure our success in a different way. I had a great childhood, one full of happy memories. I graduated university with a 2.1 and moved on to find a job straight away. I found an amazing man who loves me and now I have a wonderful daughter who is constantly smiling and laughing.

My parents and my siblings are as close knit as ever before. We share everything and we are not afraid to discuss things as a family. We are happy and continue to create happy memories together. My parents are my inspiration.

Of course, there are some things my parents did or didn’t do that I will take away as experience but overall they were and continue to be amazing. It goes without saying that my hubby and I will do all we can to give our daughter Amelia the very best start in life, but we will in no means follow Amy Chua’s ‘Chinese model’.

It would be amazing if Amelia was offered a place at a top university in the UK, like Oxford or Cambridge and went on to write top selling novels but this is not the most important thing in life. I would not sacrifice my children’s childhood and happiness for this to happen.

My hubby and I will be there always and forever to share the laughter and create fond memories, but we will also be there to provide guidance and discipline.

–By Belinda Wong, whitelilymummy.blogspot.com

About Holly Seddon

Holly Seddon is a writer, editor and community consultant and helped launched the community for Adoption UK, which won charity website of the year just 9 months later. She also writes a music blog.

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