Is it tough, you know, being a dad?

 

There’s a question I’m often asked by mums when they discover I’m the main carer for our two daughters. The words vary slightly, but it goes something like this; “Is it hard looking after two children compared to having a full time job?”

I’ve been asked this question many times and yet I still find it perplexing. Like me, the mum posing the question has been in full time employment. They also have children and so usually have a very good idea of how difficult it is to look after them!

In answer to the question, yes I find it harder than having a full-time job. Our children have reached demanding ages. The eldest is five and the youngest is 14 months and so it is a constant battle to keep big sister entertained and in clean school uniform while stopping little sister from crawling round and shoving toys, remotes controls, car keys and anything else she can find in her mouth.

I read many blogs and hear enough horror stories from other parents to convince me that I find being the main care giver as challenging as any mother. I’ve said it many a time in the past but as a dad, I firmly believe I am disadvantaged because it is a lonelier existence with fewer formal and informal support networks available to me. The world just isn’t set up for men that hold the babies.

That, however, isn’t the question I’m asked. Without exception I’m always asked if I find it more difficult than having a full time job.

Although I find it hard, I don’t have a major longing to re-enter the workforce full-time any time soon. I’ve made no secret of my intention to retrain, but that won’t necessarily lead to a full-time job, at least for a good few years. I think my children and my wife need me at home.

While it is difficult for me, I have to acknowledge the hardships my wife faces. She has a major commute and demanding job and some days doesn’t get to see our baby daughter at all because she has left the house so early and returned so late. When this happens she finds it very upsetting.

Yes, I find it hard and yes it is harder than working full time. While certain aspects are very tough indeed, I wouldn’t want to swap places with my wife and become the main provider for the family, not at all.