The transition into fatherhood

Ever wondered what the view is like from Dad’s perspective? Here Theonehandman tells it as it is, giving up a full time job to look after their newly arrived adopted toddler. Does he regret the decision? Take a look for yourself.

I could tell that people saw it on my face – the joy; the simple unadulterated happiness. I suspect by now my colleagues were well and truly bored of it.

The Friday before Christmas should be a happy one, but for me – well it was my jackpot; my treble twenty, and my winning goal. I strutted around the office like a lottery winner without a care in the world.

In all honesty, I had ‘checked out’ long before then. The adoption had taken a while to go through, so we had known about it for some time, and in that time between the phone call and Christmas, the synapses in my brain had switched from worker to stay at home dad, or so I had hoped.

I am struggling to find the adjectives for how excited I was to have a year off work, and to be a full time father, although it was my own father who hastily insisted that my hours had just gotten infinitely longer.

The year I am embarking on is traditionally reserved for women. ‘Adoption leave’, is effectively maternity leave without the painful hospital visit. I was to become a ‘stay at home dad’, and trade places with the proverbial 1950’s housewife.

Thank goodness it isn’t the 1950s though; I would have been laughed out the pub, banned from the working mens club, and utterly emasculated; an outcast in my own village.

The stigma attached to ‘home-making’ fathers is now much reduced, thankfully, but that did not stop the occasional raised eyebrow from some stalwart traditionalists.

Notwithstanding the misguided and antiquated thoughts on family dynamics, my decision to be a stay at home dad was met with rapturous indifference from friends and family. 2013 is not 1950, and the phenomenon of stay at home dads is now common place throughout the democratic world.

That is not to say they were not pleased, or proud – they were, but stay at home fathers barely warrant headline news.

My biggest concern was not the narrow eyes of the small minded bigots; it was the affect it would have on the family dynamics of my wife and me.

Up until parenthood we had enjoyed a healthy relationship based on equality, both of us working, both paying our way, both sharing work around the house. With a new addition to our family, that equilibrium is lost and the scales would be tipping.

Not only were we to parent a toddler, but we had to deal with the change in our personal circumstances.

I have also only known a ‘working’ lifestyle in my adult life. (I am carefully using the word working here). Since university it has been all ties, shoes, meetings and office politics. Was I really ready to change that for jogging bottoms, burping, babbling, tantrums and gallons and gallons of milk?

As it turns out, I was.

I don’t want to be arrogant enough to start asking what all the fuss is about with raising children, but there is something to be said about getting up and slipping on the same pair of jogging bottoms every day, and only shaving for visitors.

My day before was based on routine, and as then, it is again now; it is just a considerably different routine. My office is my home, my staff consists of one member who communicates exclusively in screams and farting, and my hours are, as my dad predicted, a little longer.

I am not an alpha male. The fact that my wife earns a wage that supports us both does not have any bearing on my pride, indeed, I am very proud of her.

Instead, I see my life (if only for this year) to be one where I have been given an enormous opportunity. Many people miss this stage in their child’s development, but I am smack bang in the middle of it. After the heartache of infertility, and an adoption process that rings out your very soul, right now – there is nowhere on earth I would rather be.

Do I miss the working life?

Bah… no way.

Theonehandman is in his mid-thirties, married and very new to parenting having just adopted his toddler son. His blog details his journey into fatherhood through infertility, IVF and adoption, and now focuses on his new role as a stay at home dad. Currently on adoption leave and gracelessly lumbering his way through life, he does what he can to shoe horn in a few hours a week on the Xbox. A big fan of movies, sport, BBQs and reading, he is hoping to complete his first book before he returns to work. He blogs at The OneHandMan, he Tweets and you can find him on Facebook too