As readers of my monthly BritMums posts will know I recently plucked up the courage to ask my boss to work flexibly to enable me to take every other Wednesday off to look after my three daughters. I am six weeks into Operation Daddy Day Care and although I have had a few teething problems, such as having to take my work phone with me on the first day to field calls with screaming kids in the background, I have settled into somewhat of a routine. I must admit though that I have had to really buck my ideas up to ensure that everything is organised to run smoothly whilst I am off but so far so good…..(famous last words!).
One of the reasons I started my blog Ideas4Dads.net was to find new activity ideas to do with my daughters and to share a few of my own too. Creativity in terms of coming up with new ideas of what to do with my girls is something that does not come easily to me and certainly falls apart when I am faced with an insurgent attack from a screaming toddler. So for me it is all about the planning.
So far during my Operation Daddy Day Care days we have been to an adventure park, we have been on a play date with another Dad who works flexibly and we have been to a playgroup. And attending playgroups is where I want to focus this post. More specifically attending play groups as a Dad.
There have been some great posts recently by Daddy bloggers. Simon from Man vs Pink has written an excellent survival guide for Dads attending playgroups and Dan from One Man and His Sprog also recently posted a fantastic piece on surviving Playgroups – both packed with advice I will be following. John from DadBlogUK also made reference to this in his recent BritMums Dad Autumnal Round Up.
I am someone who really struggles in social situations. So the thought of attending a playgroup session where those attending will be predominantly Mums fills me with dread. However the glee that I see on my kids faces when they are running around like headless chickens playing with the toys and other kids meant for their sake I would man up and take the plunge……
I have to admit when I attended a playgroup session last with my 2.7yo and 0.7yo daughters at a Church in our local town it was really tough. My worst fears were confirmed upon arrival when I realised a) I was the only Dad/bloke in there and b) the one Mum I knew who my wife said would be attending was not there.
Despite this I put on a brave face on and tried to strike up conversation with the other Mums but it was as if they closed ranks and didn’t want to talk to me. I would go as far as to say I felt ignored. I am not sure if they perceived me in some way of trying to hit on them as to be perfectly honest with 3 kids and a full-time job I am far too tired to have an affair. Or it may just be that the people there had their own little established cliques and did not have time to speak to a rather lost looking Dad.
But seriously either way I can’t help but feel a little hurt by the whole experience. Although the girls really enjoyed the session I am not sure whether I will be going back. I really feel for Stay at Home Dad’s who may look to sessions like these as a staple part of their weekly activities. I guess if I was doing this a lot more I would attempt to seek other Dad’s to drag along and embrace the safety in numbers philosophy.
Do you struggle attending playgroups?
Do you find it daunting when you don’t have anyone to speak to?
Finally on another note, the Love All Dad Award shortlist has been published and the winners will announced on the 18th October – there are lots of great blogs that have been nominated (I should declare now my blog is in the running for 4 awards) so if you have not already, go and check out the nominees for some great blogs to follow!
About Tom Porte
Hi my name is Tom and I am a 35 year old chap whose life just over four years ago changed forever – I became a Dad! I enjoy blogging about my family's exploits with a humorous slant on things and I must admit I have a mischievous sense of humour and enjoy making my readers chuckle. I am married to my beautiful, supportive (and very patient) wife High Command. Together with our first born 7 year old chocolate Labrador, affectionately known as Beef Ears, we are the proud owners of three daughters namely Poppet, Dumpling and Pumpkin.
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Thomas Lynch
Saturday 15th of November 2014
Hey Tom, good to read your blog.
Some of what you talk about rang bells with me, and it's partly what led us to start dads rock playgroups. When we started our playgroups, we weren't sure what to expect, now we get on average between 20-30 kids at each group per week, and have lottery funding to do more to support dads and families in Scotland. Since we started in 2012, other groups have also set up in Scotland, which is great news. Good luck with your own adventure, and if there's ever anything we can do to help, just ask. Thomas.
Wave to Mummt
Saturday 18th of October 2014
To be honest I think it mostly depends what kind of a play group you go to, not that much on whether you are a dad or a mom. I've been to groups where people are in little cliques and very difficult to join in convo, others where people are wanting to meet new friends so easier to chat, and others where everyone is just concentrating on the activity. It can be difficult to mums too! Mums often feel worried about going to these too and you make friends only if you go regularly.
In most groups I've been to the odd dad is such an oddity everyone wants to talk to them and find out why they are there :) hope you find some good groups!
Tom @Ideas4Dads (and Mums Too!)
Friday 17th of October 2014
Hi Dan thanks for taking the time to comment and your more than welcome on the shoutout. Your guide was really helpful :-) Looking forward to reading other people's thoughts too! Take care Tom
Dan (@shiredad)
Friday 17th of October 2014
Great post, Tom, which addresses what can be a tricky issue for stay-at-home dads. Playgroups have certainly been a focal point for me in looking after our toddler since becoming her full-time carer. However these groups are often an unknown quantity for dads, which is one reason I wrote my guide to them. It's difficult to know how we're perceived at these groups, often being the incongruous man. I would hope it's positively as we are all doing our best for our children. In my experience some mums will have a chat during a session while others keep more to themselves. I'm lousy at small talk but that's true of either football or fashion in my case so whether speaking to mums or dads but topics of conversation are similar! I'd be really interested to hear opinions from mums on dads turning up in playgroup.