Parenting doesn’t get any easier

I had no idea how to look after my baby when he was born.

When I got pregnant, all people ever seemed to want to tell me about motherhood was that maternal instinct kicks in and you just know what to do.

Well, that may have been true for the times he cried because he was hungry, wet, tired or just wanted to be held. But, when he awoke in the night for seemingly ‘no’ reason, and after I had exhausted the feeding, changing, sleeping, cuddling options, I had no idea what to do.

It was love that got me through those nights.

The instinct to protect, nurture and love this tiny little creature unconditionally was there in abundance; but did not stretch to operating a steriliser, knowing which bottles to buy, or how much formula to use.

I had to learn this stuff on the job.

But instinct is what made me shadow my toddling son around the house for 12-hours a day to make sure he did not bang his head into anything. It also probably played a part in my decision to leave my full-time job.

Now my son is almost 6, the physical demands of parenting certainly feel lighter.

But as he navigates his way around school and friendships and the challenges and emotions they present, I feel as out of my depth as I did in the first few weeks at home with a newborn.

Perhaps because my maternal instinct appears to have gone into overdrive and I seem to be shutting it down at every turn.

When my instinct tells me to praise my son for a job well done, I think twice because I read somewhere that praising intelligence over effort can actually do more harm to his self esteem than good.

When he falls over, my instinct is to rush to his side and kiss it all better. But I want him to realise how resilient he is, so I hold my breath while he picks himself up and dusts himself off.

As he runs off to climb trees with his friends, instinct tells me to chase after him and hover beneath in case he gets stuck or falls. However, I know this will embarrass him so I hold back and watch from a close distance instead.

When he pulls at my jacket because he is bored of the conversation I am having with another parent in the playground, my instinct is to turn my attention to him but I want him to learn that it is not good manners to interrupt.

When I hear another child being unkind to him, every bone in my body wants to step in and whisk him away from the situation, but I know he needs to try and work this stuff out without me.

It is hard to stop thinking of my baby as a baby. Letting go and encouraging activities away from me goes against every instinct I have.

Parenting does not get any easier. It gets different. Moods, friends and attitudes change quickly and you have to duck, dive-in and roll with them.

Trying to explain to a 5-year old why another child does not want to play with him outweighs trying to understand the instructions on sterilising equipment.

Helping to manage his disappointment over not winning a game or being picked for a team is trickier than negotiating the sharing terms of a toy at playgroup.

And, dropping him off at his first birthday party left me longing for the days when I shadowed him everywhere he went.

All stages of parenting can feel exhilarating, over whelming, frustrating, all consuming, heart wrenchingly beautiful and rewarding at the same time.

But easy? Not yet.