LOL Round-up: Back to school laughs

Lol humour columnCongratulations!  You have survived the summer holidays.  You made it through the rainy days, the failed crafts, the water fights, the ice creams for breakfast, the late nights and the “I’m bored”s.  

Some of us are cracking open the Prosecco and doing a happy dance in the kitchen that our little darlings are going back to school.  Some of us are crying into our coffee bereft in a quiet house.  Some of us fall somewhere in the middle.  The summer holidays have been full of ups and downs, but we are quite looking forward to the routine, and not having a six-year-old ask you 123 questions before 11am.  That last bit might be just me.

This months round-up is dedicated to the complicated world of being a parent with a kid at school.  The kitchen calendar rammed with events, lost school jumpers, and playground politics.  Now grab that Prosecco, take a load off and enjoy…


Beta Mummy: School Shoe Shopping

I would rather take two hungry kids to do the food shop than I would go shopping for school shoes. Maybe it’s the flashbacks I have to being 9 years old, and in possession of wide feet and a narrow heels, which meant that despite my Mum dragging me to every shoe shop in the South of England I ended up with a hideously unfashionable pair of red t-bar shoes and I cried all the way home from the shoe shop. Maybe it’s because as a parent now, not only is the process torture, but I could buy new shoes and a bag for that money!  And they will last a damn site longer.  Beta Mummy sums it up perfectly in her post and brilliant illustrations:

beta mummy shoe shopping image



Life is Knutts: Pardon You

Being a school parent means you become very well acquainted with class assemblies.  Whether it’s Christmas plays, being awarded certificates, or the latest project they are working on, parents in the school hall beam with pride at their little charges.  However taking a smaller charge with you means the limelight isn’t always directed at the right kids.  Cue Gemma’s class assembly incident:

I have the toddler with me of course, and I have arrived at the school hall well prepared with snacks and juice to keep him quiet during the performance.

I make sure I seat myself near an escape route in case he has a meltdown and settle down for the show.


Muma on The Edge: Secrets of a Reception Veteran

When the big one started school, it felt like it was my first day too.  I didn’t know where to go, who people were, and I’d never heard of the jumper dumper.  Whilst your little darling is busy learning their phonics and scuffing their brand new shoes, it’s fair to say the parents are on a pretty steep learning curve about surviving school as a parent.  Muma on The Edge has some great tips for getting through the first year. 

Please Note: World Book Day is the biggie, this is the Met Ball of the Primary school world. Big prizes are at stake here. Do not be fooled by any facebook chit chat which might suggest Jimmy’s Muma is just ‘throwing something together last minute’. NO SHE AIN’T. You know the story about the shoe maker’s elves… uh huh.


Mad House Mum: Good, Innocent Intentions

Lunch boxes are complicated.  There are rules.  At the end of last term I had to introduce the husband to the rules after he promised the big one he would make him a peanut butter sandwich for his lunchbox. There were tears (the big one, not the husband) over a peanut butter sandwich, or lack there of.  Alison is very familiar with the lunch box rules after inspection month!  Yes that’s right, MONTH!

An extremely well meaning PTA mum generates an e mail stating that, for a whole month, lunch boxes are being examined (judged) and unsuitable items will be removed. There is an attachment listing healthy lunchbox items. It’s a Sunday night and I either have none of these in my cupboard or the kids would rather eat their own toenails, so I have already failed.


Brummy Mummy of Two: How Not to do a Wet School Run

It’s one of those parenting sods laws that if it’s going to rain you can guarantee it will rain on the school run.  Just after you’ve hung your washing out.  Emma’s post had me in stitches because all of these things have happened to me.  My youngest hates the rain cover with a rage that could match the Incredible Hulk.  So with or without the rain cover, the looks I get from passers-by make me feel like I am winning at parenting. (Insert sarcastic tone here).

4) Be warned that when you don’t have a rain cover on the buggy. People will look at you like you are an evil parent who wishes their baby boy to get soaked. Like you actively encouraged the rain. Just to torment him.


For another post about rainy day school runs check out my parody of the Travis classic, Why Does it Always Rain on Me?

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because my kids watch too much TV?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
At 3 O’clock the rain starts pouring


If your little one is just starting school, good luck.  I wonder if there’s a peak in tissue sales in September? Or Prosecco?

See you in October.


(The original version of this post appeared on September 6, 2016.)


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About Claire Kirby

Claire is the blogger behind Life, Love and Dirty Dishes. A blog about the amusing side of parenting. Claire’s claim to fame is that she once spoke to Phillip Schofield on a Going Live phone in. Awesome, right? She with three boys; The Husband, Big (9), who never ever stops talking, and Little (5), who never ever stands still.
They live in a Lego house. They don’t really, but they have so much off the stuff they could probably build one.


  1. 06 September 2016 / 17:42

    Thanks so much for the inclusion! And all those Mums attempting the school run! GOOD LUCK! xxx

  2. 08 September 2016 / 21:57

    Brilliant! The smallest started school this week. So far so good, but it’s PE day tomorrow and he can’t stand shorts or shoes that aren’t his old Sainsbury’s boots (although at least that has spared me the Clarks visit!).
    Muma on the edge isn’t wrong about World Book Day. I’d rather write a book where the kids wear normal clothes and have it published so I can legitimately claim they’re in Costa, rather than come up with a costume on a work day with half a day’s notice like this year!

  3. 08 September 2016 / 21:58

    *in costume…not in Costa. Although Costa would be preferable. My autocorrect knows me too well.

    • 12 September 2016 / 12:34

      We had World Book Day, Dress like Guy Fawkes Day, and Dress as your favourite fairy tale character day last year. It might be cheaper for me to do a sewing course!!!

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