As Christmas looms ever closer, BritMum’s Claire at Love, Life and Dirty Dishes alleviates the stress with a nice big dose of festive humour…

Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without belting out a few Christmas Carols.  Maybe you like the classics, Good King Wenceslas or Deck the Halls?  Maybe you’re more of a Santa got stuck up the chimney kind of person.  

I thought I would re-write the nativity classic ‘Away in a Manger’ for all the Mum’s out there who are maybe feeling a bit frazzled.

So if your to-do list is out of control, you’ve had a weep watching Miracle on 34th Street, and you’ve already used seventy metres of wrapping paper, this one is for you.

 

 

A Mum’s Christmas Carol

 

Oh  Dear Father Christmas

There’s no sleep to be had,

The baby is teething,

And the kids have gone mad

From all the excitement

For this one day a year,

I’m bribing good behaviour

With the naughty list fear.

 

There’s shopping to be done

And the presents to wrap,

But I’ve got a sniffle and

There’s no time to feel crap.

I’m having a nightmare

Finding an Elsa doll,

Please tell me you make them

In that there North Pole.

 

There’s no elves on my shelves

Because I ran out of time

Making nativity costumes,

Oh please bring me some wine.

I still need to find room

For the Christmas tree,

And book time for the children

To come sit on your knee.

 

The house needs a good clean

There is dirt on my floor,

And we’re having a visit

From my mother-in-law.

So please Father Christmas

I have just one thing to ask,

When you come down my chimney

Wipe your feet on the hearth.

 

More festive parodies

Stay Another Day by Slouching Towards Thatcham

Please don’t wake us all up at four
Or we’ll lock all the bedroom doors
Will you stay in bed till eight?

 

Santa Baby by Me, Annie Bee

Santa Baby, just slip a short break under the tree, for me.
Just a night will do, Santa baby,
I’m so bloody tired tonight.

Merry Christmas! See you for more giggles in 2020.

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