Andrea Kirkby is a freelance writer who specialises in business, travel and culture coverage. In addition to her degree in English, she also has a degree in opera, edits the Campaign for Real Ale newsletter and writes frequently about hiking and pilgrimage trails. Here, she tackles an issue for parents when travelling and dining out with children: the difficulty in getting them to mind their manners.
I’m always amazed how friends of mine who have lived in minimalist black-and-chrome flats suddenly change completely when they have children. Out goes the chrome, in comes primary coloured plastic and wipe-clean post-box-red.
As for the idea of getting a quiet glass of wine in the evening – forget it. The dinner table is busier and noisier than rush hour Waterloo Station. Kids kick the table, push food around (and not always just on their plates), scream, shout, sing, play percussion with the crockery and cutlery, get down, get back up again, jump on their chairs… it’s pandemonium.
It’s no surprise then that some research by Kensington Hotel showed that almost half of parents are embarrassed by their children when they are dining out. A fifth of them have actually had to leave a meal uneaten because their children were behaving so badly!
While the idea of teaching children “dining etiquette” might seem too old-fashioned in our world where self-serve sandwiches are the daily norm and the latest restaurants are packing away the silver service in favour of tapas-style finger food. But passing along key dining rules can serve children well as they go on to school, university and meals in business with their boss.
Some of the elementary lessons that parents should teach their youngsters are fairly obvious. Don’t throw macaroons at other children. Don’t push your other siblings off their chairs. Don’t throw your spaghetti on the floor. Don’t bang your knife and fork on the table – I must admit this is something I used to do too, although it drove my grandfather wild… to be more accurate, I probably did it because it drove my grandfather wild. I suspect etiquette tips such as the right form of address for a suffragan bishop or a retired vice-admiral can wait until we have the basics down.
But children should also learn why cups have saucers and how to deal with restaurant staff (just like at home, “please” and “thank you” go a long way). Most importantly, teaching children these etiquette norms within formal and more elegant surroundings may impress kids who wouldn’t necessarily behave so well in a McDonald’s or at home.
While teaching your children good table manners might be the finishing touch in helping your university grad landing a high-paying executive job twenty years from now, in the meantime, it can certainly save you from embarrassing moments at restaurants and vacations. Just don’t take them to fancy hotels in Soho (as I foolishly did once with my nieces!) until you’ve taught them the basics!
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Emily Hudson
Friday 2nd of March 2012
... the worst I've seen.. is a child throwing a terrible tantrum in a public cafe.... loud crying followed by "give me , give me.." with a shrilling voice... The mother was obviously flustered ..but now who should be blamed.
Liz C
Wednesday 29th of February 2012
Manners are genetic in that (as my mother always said) if the parents dont have any, what are they going to pass on to their children.
Corinne
Wednesday 29th of February 2012
Dining etiquette is so important for me and my family, mostly because I enjoy eating out and I don't want to be embarrassed by my children, we've had our ups and downs (my toddler throwing a toy in a cafe so it landed in my coffee sending the contents over someone's laptop was a particular low point) but generally they are very well behaved and a joy to eat out with. My teen and I make sure we regularly go out for a meal, just the 2 of us and I love it, he is a pleasure to spend the evening with. This started with good manners at home, we all eat together at the table, little ones are in highchairs and nobody gets down until we are all finished. We use cutlery, properly and say please and thank you. Meal times are a time to chat and enjoy food but also to eat with mouths closed. Children learn from those around them so displaying good manners will always help, I certainly wouldn't want my children learning their table manners in a school dinner hall!
Vanessa
Wednesday 29th of February 2012
I agree wholeheartedly. Children learn from the example their parents set. Unruly, bad-mannered kids are allowed to be that way by parents who don't set the right example and/or allow them to be so.
Beccah (Curly Mum)
Wednesday 29th of February 2012
I am quite shocked by the lack of manners I see sometimes. My children are quite often little monsters, and very embarrassing, but they say please and thank you and they eat properly. No banging on the table, no shoving, no getting up and down, and mouth CLOSED while chewing. Bad table manners drive me dotty. A lot of people would probably think me too strict, but if my children mess about at the dinner table, they get a warning, and if they continue I will take away the food until they have calmed down enough to eat properly.