Alice Hart has a little secret. It’s not a dirty little secret, but she did balk about coming clean about it. Here she reveals all.
My name is Alice and I am a co-sleeper. It’s like admitting to being an alcoholic. In fact, I haven’t admitted to co-sleeping to many people and when I have done, it’s been with an air of trepidation, as if I’m about to be given the “Reckless Parent of the Year” award. The irony is that before I became a mum, I would have been ready to hand out such an award to anyone who thought sharing a bed with their baby was a good idea.
How did I become a convert? Sheer exhaustion. It started with my realisation that when your baby wants to feed every 2 hours, breastfeeding in bed is a whole lot easier and more restful especially when you are recovering from a C-section. After falling asleep on the job the first few times, I woke with a frantic jolt each time but soon realised that I hadn’t moved an inch and still had a breathing baby. I slowly learned to trust that my husband and I wouldn’t accidentally roll over and squash or smother our baby, largely down to the fact that we both woke up at times convinced that there were three in our bed even when the Moses Basket was occupied.
I was never a regular co-sleeper, just an occasional one on those nights which seemed never-ending and you count down the hours until it was morning (something which before I entered motherhood I never thought I’d hear myself say). It was only when I started bed-sharing that I started reading into it. The more I delved, the more I realised that beneath the surface of messages (which subtly say “it’s OK to bed-share if you follow the safety guidelines but really you shouldn’t”), there was actually a lot of evidence which made me feel reassured about my decision to bed-share, even to the point of feeling like it’s a very natural thing to do.
I read a lot of articles by Dr James McKenna, Chair of Anthropology and Director of the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre-Dame, Indiana (US), who advocates bed-sharing when done safely. He summarises the benefits of bed-sharing quite succintly in his article “Co-sleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone” (http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/biological.html ). I think the most fascinating for me is just how much natural synchronisation goes on between mother and baby when you sleep next to each other. Through his research, Dr McKenna has found that “irrepressible (ancient) neurologically-based infant responses to maternal smells, movements and touch altogether reduce infant crying while positively regulating infant breathing, body temperature, absorption of calories, stress hormone levels, immune status and oxygenation”.
When you think about it we don’t bat an eyelid at other mammals sleeping with their young because that is what nature intends. We forget too easily that we’re also subject to Mother Nature. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that we all start co-sleeping – far from it. As with every parenting decision, we all have to do what we think is right (part of the most frustrating thing about being a parent!). My message is simply that when you’re thinking about it – or when your guilt-ridden friend is confessing to you that they had their baby in bed with them last night – not to leap to the conclusion that co-sleeping is a reckless act but rather a beneficial practice for those who want to do it.
— Alice Hart
Photo credit: oreses
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Bob
Friday 9th of December 2011
My wife loved to co-sleep. I hated every minute of if as I'm too light a sleeper. It took me forever to get used to sharing a bed with her in the first place as any movement or noise from her and I'd be wide awake. Add a small baby into the mix and I was terrified as well.
In saying that it did work well for us :)
Jody Brettkelly
Thursday 8th of December 2011
Yes I fell asleep with all four bubs many times breastfeeding and awoke with a jolt, but after a year of living like the walking dead I fully embraced the Contented Little Baby Book. I miss my babies now though...that sweet smell of peaches.
Circus Queen
Thursday 8th of December 2011
We started out with only bringing her in on the occasional night when I just couldn't stand getting up 7 or 8 times. But six months on, she sleeps with us every night and, for now, it works for us. Like you, I've done a fair bit of research on its benefits and how to do it safely. In the beginning I kept it a secret because my midwife told me not to do it but now I openly admit it and more often than not find it gives other women the courage to admit it too. It's so strange that we're made to feel worried about it when this is how families in many other cultures sleep. Our parents have accepted it too. when we stay at their houses, they expect that we'll be sleeping with the baby.
Lucy
Thursday 8th of December 2011
My Name is Lucy & I'm a fulltime cosleeper! I love co-sleeping! It saved OUR sanity. My hubby & I bought a super kingsize to accomodate our bundle of joy and the expensive cot bed lays empty in the equally empty baby's room that I stressed so much about decorating.
We too did A LOT of research and we BOTH agreed it was best for us after 4 weeks of sheer nightmares! He is now 7.5 months old and I'm so glad we do!
AngelaC
Wednesday 7th of December 2011
I co-slept fully with my first baby, and now with my second. At first I didn't think of doing it, but I was absolutely knackered and in tears everyday because my first baby wake every 15-30mins after I put her down in her cot. Both of us (no I didn't mean my husband, he slept through everything lol) hardly had a good night sleep until I finally took her to bed. She immediately settled down. When she needed a feed, she helped herself subconciously, and then rolled back to sleep. I only woke when she was searching, and I also went straight back to sleep once she's latched on.
It was all so natural, I knew she's there, even my husband has adapted to knowing she's there. There was no over-heating problem as I learnt from the Internet that our breasts are actually cooler, hence it's safe for baby to sleep next to (or onto in my case!) it, and I used a seperate duvet for myself so we wont accidentally pull the duvet above baby's head.
I do still think that you have to be aware of the safety, make sure you follow the guidelines, and it's definitely only suitable if you are not a deep sleeper (I'm not really a light sleeper but I wake immediately when baby started to fuss about). But I do not think that co-sleeping should be frowned upon.
My second baby is better at sleeping on his own, but it was difficult still to wake every 2-3 hours in the middle of the night and needing to feed him for over an hour before he falls asleep deep enough to put him down in his cot.
People ask me whether he has started to sleep through the night, and I couldnt answer them. One, I believe in feed on demand, so he drink whenever he needs it and I never bothered to train him to feed less frequently. Two, to me he is sleeping through the night through co-sleeping as there are no big fuss or cries that require us to get up, which was kind of the purpose of getting babies to sleep through isn't it?
Anyway, I really think co-sleeping should not be seen as something wrong. Just know how to be safe about it and both you and your baby will benefit from it.
(Sry for such a long comment!)