New BBC ‘Dragon’,Hilary Devey, splintered opinion with a jagged edge when she boldly claimed, “Women can never have it all – it’s how God breeds us”.
Is she right? Is it possible to balance career with family and feel ultimately fulfilled in both? We asked for guest posters to share their take on this most thorny of issues and the first to take up the challenge is Rowen Campbell…
Why shouldn’t women have it all? I believe many women would consider they do. As long as what you have is yours by choice. It’s too easy to look at someone else’s seemingly perfect life and feel the slightest pang of envy, but there are a lot of people out there very adept at putting on a show.
Don’t be fooled.
What would “all” be? A great career and well-mannered children, perhaps? Or the financial security to not work and spend every day with the kids? Maybe the time to keep perfectly manicured nails and coiffured hair, or the space and inclination to grow vegetables?
Society has told today’s woman that she should build a successful career – keep up with the men. She also wants to be a wonderful mother, because that’s the role Mother Nature ear-marked for her.
In many instances, ‘mummy guilt’ is the biggest barrier to achieving nirvana. From the outset, people feel within their rights to question every decision a mother makes – even personal decisions like breast versus bottle, cloth nappies versus disposables.
So you start to question yourself. The affliction gets to us all, wherever we live, or whichever rung on the career ladder you stand on.The barrier is in our minds. Take control of the guilt and do what you want. Channel it positively and there’s absolutely no reason you can’t have it all.
It’s about balance. Think about what ‘all’ looks like to you, and you might be closer than you think.
–Rowen Campbell, www.rowencampbell.blogspot.com
What do you think, can women have it all?
(Pic: Lucy Boynton, Flickr)
About Holly Seddon
Holly Seddon is a writer, editor and community consultant and helped launched the community for Adoption UK, which won charity website of the year just 9 months later. She also writes a music blog.
Nicola Seary
Monday 15th of August 2011
I personally haven't managed yet to have it all.I am a stay at home mum of 5 and since having children I have worked,on occasion at a couple part-time jobs.I have,previously,as a single mum a number of years ago studied for 2 years at college then 18 months at University.Uni with young children was difficult for me personally. We have now decided that until our youngest is at Pre-school or infant school I will remain at home with the children. "Having it all" for me,would mean being financially secure as well as having enough quality time with my family. I would love to work from home but as yet haven't found anything suitable. I think finding a balance is important. I love being at home with my children but really look forward to the day when I am able to contribute financially towards my family.
Expat Mum
Friday 12th of August 2011
I think most of this post is actually a list of why women generally don't have it all, no matter how much we might want it. Even the few women I know who have a great balance of career and mothering, also still seem to do the lion's share of the kid stuff - and not the fun parts. They are generally the one keeping on top of dentist and doctor appointments, school meetings and to-do lists, as well as often being in charge of the social calendar. That doesn't sound very balanced to me and they often complain about it. I don't see many of the husbands stopping mid-track on the way to a meeting because he's forgotten to take the dinner out of the freezer or return the teacher's phone call.
A Modern Mother
Thursday 11th of August 2011
This was a topic at BlogHer this year. It's a debate and desire that won't go away any time soon. Great post!
Liz Weston aka @cambridgemummy
Thursday 11th of August 2011
Just wanted to contribute with a blog post where I was struggling to have it all: http://www.cambridgemummy.co.uk/2011/04/im-not-doing-so-well-at-the-worklife-balance-thing-this-week/ And another where I thought I'd got it nailed ;) http://www.cambridgemummy.co.uk/2011/06/cambridge-mummy-ive-worked-it-out/ This represents my perspective on this - when it's working, it's great and I can conquer anything. When it's not working it's the worst thing ever and I'm left flailing around, trying to keep above water. There's no middle ground and I think most people yo yo between the two...
Steph Savill
Thursday 11th of August 2011
What about 'non mother' guilt - careerists who leave things too late. Or women who can't conceive. No of course you can't have it all, Hilary is right, but you need to learn to love what you have. And not always want more...