Getting a divorce: 10 tips after your breakup

Divorce — or any break up of a long-term relationship — is difficult, painful and confusing. In this article, Sara Davison, The Divorce Coach, gives insights on coping and finding a way to move forward.

Whether you cannot find a way forward with your relationship or that sadly that decision has been made for you by your ex, finding a way to cope with divorce can be challenging. Emotional stress from the rollercoaster of negative emotions combined with the practical challenges that come with being newly single can be overwhelming. A breakup will cause a ripple effect across the whole of your life and affect all areas including your friends, family, home life, career and future.

The good news is that if you do find yourself divorcing ithen there are lots of things you can do to help make that process a little easier for you. The divorce gives you the chance for a fresh start and a new you.

Here are 10 top tips to thrive after your breakup:

• 1. Spend time with good people: We are all influenced by the quality of the people we surround ourselves with as other attitudes and behaviours will rub off on us after a while. Make sure you create a positive and supportive team of friends, family and advisors around you.
• 2. Healthy body means a healthy mind: Keep a balanced diet and make sure you feed your body enough healthy fuel so that it can give you the energy you need. If you feel in good form, your mind will be stronger to deal with challenges as they come up.
• 3. Be kind to yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for feeling low or crying. It is a natural part of the grieving process after your breakup. Remember that it is not a permanent state of mind and its part of the healing process as you let go.
• 4. It’s time to let go of your ex: Write a list of all the things that didn’t like about your ex and your relationship. Keep these to hand so you can read them if you start to feel sad. We tend to focus on all the good things we no longer have in our life which stops us from moving forward. It helps to take off those rose-tinted glasses and take a long hard look at what the things that made you sad that you no longer have to tolerate.
• 5. Get active: Plan your weeks ahead to keep you busy. Start saying “yes” to invitations and get out of the house more. Staying home alone all the time will amplify feelings of loneliness so make arrangements and stick to them.
• 6. Do things you love: It’s time to put yourself first now and look after yourself. Schedule in your diary to do things that make you enjoy and that make you laugh. We all need some fun in our lives to add some sparkle so make a list of things such as coffee with friends, trampolining, a day trip, a massage, buying some new clothes.
• 7. Make small changes: It’s time to take back control of your life so to do that its key to make some changes. These can be small changes such as moving the furniture around in your home to make it feel different, cooking new meals, using a different supermarket or wearing a new colour that you love. If you continue to do the things you used to do with your ex it will be harder to move on.
• 8. Time to revamp your life: Start thinking about where you want to be in 1 years’ time. This will help you to keep moving forward with life and avoid getting stuck thinking about the past. Look to make some larger changes such as revamping your career or health by setting some goals. Let your close friends know about what you have decided to do so they can help you stick to your new goals.
• 9. Create your bucket list: Write a list of things that you are really excited to do in your life. Activities that you can do now that maybe you never could have done if you were still in your relationship. These could include learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby, travelling somewhere you always dreamed to visit or even climbing Everest!
• 10. Change your focus: Practice finding the good in every situation and focusing on that. What if you believed that this breakup was actually a great opportunity and you now have the chance to redesign your life just the way you want it? That would make a huge difference to your life and it is possible.

My 10 top tips will help you to cope better with your break-up as you start to navigate your way through the process. It’s important to decide that you want to make some changes to get your life back on track and commit to taking some actions to make it your new reality.

It is possible. I have done it and my clients are doing it right now. Remember that it’s not what happens to you in life that counts, it’s what you do about it that defines you as a person.

So grab back control of your life and get ready for the new year and a new you!

Learn more about The Divorce Coach and her work at www.saradavison.com.

The Divorce Coach’s new book, “The Split – 30 days from Breakup to Breakthrough” is available on Amazon from 7^th January 2019.