Excuse me, are you a single parent?

The other day a mum asked me if I was a single parent. Having seen me at the school gates twice a day, this was the conclusion she’d apparently come to. I couldn’t help feeling the question was a bit on the blunt side, especially as I wear a wedding ring which, I would argue, is a pretty big hint that I’m not a single parent.

I know I’m a rare breed. While men are getting more and more involved as parents, there still aren’t that many of us who have sacrificed careers to raise the children. As such I accept that my lifestyle will attract comment.

Who am I trying to kid? I go a significant step further and blog about my situation. I put myself in the firing line and this means people are going to talk. I’m all for encouraging debate about the role of us dads. In fact, I enjoy it!

The one thing I struggle with, however, is constantly justifying myself. I’m forever telling people Mrs Adams and I made the decision that I should give up my job largely for economic reasons. I very often feel like I’m apologising. The conversation usually goes a bit like this;

“It’s tough, I know my wife would normally be the one at home with the kids but I enjoy it. Oh, yeah, and she earned more than I did so it made sense financially.”

Why should I have to tell people this stuff? I don’t think a mum would face such questions. It would just be accepted; you’re a mum, whatever sacrifices you’ve made, it’s just what you do.

It may be a little tough for me, but I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home mum who didn’t work at all. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s the way mums judge each other. The mums that work full time seem to get judged by the stay at home mums, the part-time working mums seem to have sympathy with both sides but judge them both equally and the stay at home mums, well, they’re just letting the sisterhood down, aren’t they?

If the worst I’m going to face is the accusation I’m a single parent then I think I probably get off lightly. Put like that, I think there are some benefits to being a school gate dad.

I hope you’ll forgive me for mentioning this but I have been shortlisted for a Brilliance in Blogging award in the Commentary and Campaigns category. There are some superb blogs in each and every category so please do follow this link and vote. If you are going to vote, I would delighted if you’d tick the box for Dadbloguk in the aforementioned category (number 17). This would help me (and any other bloggers you’ve voted for) get through to the finals. Thanks also to everyone that has voted already, your support is really appreciated.

About John Adams

John Adams is a married with two young daughters. He has been a stay at home dad for almost four years. John started blogging back in 2012 after being invited to one-too-many "mother and toddler groups." This inspired him to write about the issues he faced as a stay at home dad and the gender barriers men face as parents. John continues to write about lie as a stay at home dad. He also writes about every aspect of parenting; schooling, education, pregnancy and birth, childcare and so on. Over time he has broadened the focus of his blog so he now writes about family finances, photography and occasionally covers men's style and fashion. John was originally a journalist. He concedes, however, that was a long time ago.

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