Depression, PND and mental health - what to do next

Depression and mental health still carry a stigma and for those not suffering it is very difficult to understand but here Lisa from Hollybobbs shares her experience and hopes it helps others to take action.

I have suffered with depression on and off since I was eighteen. I remember the first doctor I saw didn’t believe me and that was my first experience with the stigma that surrounds depression. I remember feeling stupid, embarrassed and very small; like it was all in my head.

Over the years I have spoken to various friends and family about my depression. They all are interested, sympathetic even. But when it comes to knowing what to say most people draw a blank. Trying to get people to understand that it is not a short-term problem, but that months later I may still be dealing it, having black periods and struggling to cope. If you haven’t felt it, it is impossible to understand and I have found it very hard to find the right support. Friends have been amazing in the best way they can but after some point everyone loses their patience.

My husband is fantastic; he lets me rest and sleep, despite there being no real reason for me to be tired. He takes over the childcare and housework when needed, even though he has worked a full week himself. He listens when I need him to. But even he has his limits and he often struggles to know what to say. In the past he really found it hard and would leave me to ‘paddy’, as he saw it, treating me like a naughty child. It is only in recent years he has come to understand it a bit better and offer the right support.

I managed to escape PND with my first child, but when my son was born and I had to manage raising two children eighteen months apart, plus moving house and my dad becoming very poorly, it all became far too much for me to handle. When my son was nine months old I was diagnosed with PND. This time around things have been slightly better, yet worse at the same time. I know the signals so knew when to seek help. My Health Visitor was fantastic and encouraged me to see my doctor, which I am so grateful for as the medications have really helped me feel lighter and be able to think more clearly. However this time around the depression has been far deeper and harder than I’ve ever experienced. I think this time it relates to a lot of environmental triggers rather than emotional ones, so the symptoms and feelings have differed – I have felt more tired, or rather completely flat-out exhausted; I have felt lost and hopeless, like I just cannot cope at all. And rather than crying and going crazy, (quite literally, I once threw myself out of a moving car), I have been a lot more quiet and pensive. At times I have felt completely cut off from the world, and myself. Like an empty shell, getting on with things but not really feeling.

The support I have received has been amazing and I cannot thank my local network of services enough. My health visitor was more than willing to listen and offer support and has been visiting me regularly to ensure I am coping and offer an ear. She also referred me to post-natal counselling which is now providing me with the tools to finally try and put my life-long demons to rest. I did not realise the wealth of information and people who care that is just there waiting for anyone who asks and it really has amazed me.

I am now going out of the house, feeling more positive and am confident that I am finally able to deal with deep-rooted problems, ones that I have put off facing for a long time. Although I do still have dark days, extreme tiredness and have a way to go in my counselling, I know that taking that first step was crucial to my recovery. I am determined to once and all beat my battle with depression and that I will endeavour be the best person I can be, for the sake of my babies.

My advice to anyone who feels they are struggling is to talk to someone. Your health visitor, your doctor, your partner or a friend or family member. Whilst stigma still remains for mental health, there is so much support out there, you do not need to feel ashamed to admit you are struggling and get the help you need. You will benefit from it and in turn so will the ones you love.

Hi I am Lisa and blog at Hollybobbs where I share my journey raising two children only eighteen months apart as well as dealing with PND and CFS. But it’s not all doom and gloom as we document our activities as a family, our playtime and all the laughter that comes with two little mischiefs. I am writing this post to help those who are going through what I am and try to raise awareness of this debilitating illness.

Come find me on Twitter @hollybobbs or chat with me on Facebook I’m also on Instagram as hollybobbs

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