It’s a big question isn’t it? When is it the right time to start another baby? Sian Henry author of Mummy Said What? weighs up a few pros and cons and shares her thoughts with us
Can less be more?
I have a dilemma that you might be able to help me with?
I’m wondering if I’m ‘supposed’ to be pregnant. My body seems to think so (or it just likes Jaffa cakes) and so it seems, do other people.
The panic all started when my son turned 2, and someone helpfully pointed out that if I wanted a 3 year age gap, I’d better get my knickers off pronto (albeit in a slightly more subtle manner).
Ever since then, I feel a sense of urgency, like time is running out.
I had always ‘assumed’ I would have more than one child, and that the age gap would probably be around 3 years. I don’t know why – perhaps it just seems to be the ‘done thing’?
Only…I’m not sure I’m ready for another baby.
Besides, surely, you shouldn’t create a human life because it’s what’s ‘expected’?
Reasons I’m not sure I want another one:
– More sleepless nights (enough said).
– Pregnancy face (and arse).
– Labour (and my solemn vow NEVER to repeat).
– Money. (I am particularly fearful of having a girl as I know I would buy her everything I want, but am too big to wear. This includes; Tutus, pink Dr Martens, and stuff with penguins on).
– Babysitters. (It must be easier to get out for the occasional night, with just one little person to think about?)
– The actual THOUGHT of having more than one is terrifying. I literally bow down to these Mums with 2 or more who still manage to get on with their lives. HOW do you leave the house? How do you dress 2 of them, and make 2 lots of breakfasts, and deal with 2 lots of needs on top of your own?
– The really crappy days that make you regret even having the one. YES I actually said that. The ones when the idea of ‘double the trouble’ is about as appealing as a bag of sick. These are the days when he whinges constantly, disagrees with everything I say (‘’NO Mummy you are NOT hungry’’), throws random objects at me, runs off into neighbours gardens and hides. The days that generally makes me want to lie down in a busy road for some stress relief.
Besides, my little man and I have a kind of ‘thing’ going on, and I’m not sure I want anyone else involved.
But then again…
Reasons I do want another one
– When bedtime comes….little man has had a bath and is all pink and sweet in his fleecy pyjamas. He cuddles into me, says ‘love you mummy’ and all is forgotten. My heart swells like I’m falling in love.
– I want to give him a play mate.
– I can’t really imagine NOT doing it again. As much as being pregnant wasn’t my finest hour, it’s still a pretty amazing experience.
– But most of all there is that bi*^h called Mother Nature. You know the one…she takes perfectly intelligent, logical, rational women and steals their common sense.
I find she often turns up when I see a tiny baby, or am walking past the newborn clothes to the mahoosive toddler section. She taps me on the shoulder and starts her usual routine:
‘‘You want one don’t you?’’ she taunts.
‘’Not really’’ I think, trying to keep logical.
‘’Oh yes you do….a teeny weeny baby. All soft and sweet, and perfect. Think of all the cuddles and how nice they will smell’’.
She makes me forget the pain, tears, horrendous nights and recently improved pelvic floor abilities. The feeling that my lady bits have been repeatedly kicked by big foot, or that my boobs trebled in size to the point that my sons head was nearly obliterated when feeding.
She takes away my doubts. Or at least hides them from me.
Credit where it’s due, she’s very good at her job.
So, I guess we’ll have to see what happens…
– Will I even be lucky enough to get pregnant again?
– Is there such thing as a ‘perfect’ age gap?
– Do I REALLY want to have sex with that man (my husband) again?
So many questions….I guess time will tell.
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Tom @Ideas4Dads
Saturday 8th of February 2014
Hi there We always wanted 3 and next month that dream will come true - I think you have to always do what's right for you but for us after spending a year convincing ourselves that a third would be a bad idea it just boiled down to feeling like the right thing to do - short term paid for long term gain :-) Take care Tom www.ideas4dads.net