In our latest collection of videos from BritMum video bloggers, we hear several sides to the ever-challenging question of child-on-child aggression.
With the recent furore and strangely flat response from the authorities over child cage fighting the debate comes at a time we’re raw and ever-concerned about the experiences our own children are going to have.
Being bullied can be the defining experience of a childhood, it can put bright and eager children off school, denting their learning, it can create internal conflicts in the smallest of bodies about appearance, years earlier than we might expect. And it can cause real-world conflict between parents, even those with which we’ve previously been friendly.
“One of my least favourite topics,” says Susanna from A Modern Mother, and she’s not alone. Helen from the knackeredmotherswineclub.blogspot.com finds the whole subject “stomach turning”.
John and Ruth from www.geekmummy.com had thought they would have nothing much to contribute to the discussion, and then not long before filming John had a “run in” at a soft play area.
Their daughter Catherine is three, and the problem of bullying seemed a long way over the horizon until a group of boys at the soft play area seemed to make a beeline for little Catherine, running to her, hitting her on the head right in front of John.
Despite John’s shouts, the boys continued and John asks, what can he do in that position. It’s not his place to tell another person’s child off and yet, the parents were doing nothing…
At what age does this sort of boisterous activity become bullying? Is it when it’s repeated, a campaign, rather than a one-off misdemeanour or is the moment play turns violent?
Penny, who blogs at www.aresidence.co.uk, is a head of department in a school and drama teacher. She asks, “can you bully-proof your child?” and the answer, it seems, is a child can learn to bully proof themselves, learn to “throw away those comments”.
Watch the video and hear all the different sides to the story and then please do share your thoughts and reactions with us.
About Holly Seddon
Holly Seddon is a writer, editor and community consultant and helped launched the community for Adoption UK, which won charity website of the year just 9 months later. She also writes a music blog.
Merry
Monday 26th of September 2011
There is a common perception, often mooted at home educators, that you have to expose a child to bullying in order for them to learn how to deal with it. My experience is the opposite. Our home educated child has had masses of child exposure over the years, she attends quantities of hours a week of clubs and activities in supportive and likeminded environments, mostly with schooled, rather than home educated children. There was little bullying ever, even though she was quiet, shy initially and had a cleft lip and palate, which caused lots of questions. 18 months ago, when she was 11, she went off on a gym camp where she knew no one, was one of the least gymnastically able and had to stay with the group, sleeping in the gym, for 5 nights. One girl decided to be unrelentingly unpleasant to her, picking on her constantly and being really unpleasant. DD1 found it hard, but she was unbroken by it and considers that while she ran into a bully, she was not bullied because she didn't allow it to happen. Her rather fantastic line to this girl eventually was "there is always someone like you in every place and the only sensible thing to do is ignore you!" which is a maturity at 11 I would like to have now! Compared to my experience of being persistently bullied throughout my junior days, I had to really take my hat off to her. I put it down to her sense of self worth. She knows she is worth more, that it is the other persons failing. That is armour of an amazing kind I think.
Angeline
Monday 26th of September 2011
Also , typing from a cracked I phone screen. Sorry for the bad spelling ect!
Angeline
Monday 26th of September 2011
My daughter who is 4, was beige bullied by some older kids a few weeks ago and we went to the mothers house who didn't really react at all. I said thatthe girls doing it weren't welcome and now the eldest child who is 13ish has started being quite rude to myself and my husband when she sees me. This girl has always had isssues in the past with all kids around here and part of meddles sorry for er but I also think her mother is contributing to it. He mother allows her to hear all "gossip" on the street and it's known that if you have something to say, everyone makes sure it's out with the earshot of this girl. Her mother also complains about everything and likes to put other people down. I fear confrontation is going to arise and I don't know how to deal with it. I can't stand bulliesand I thinkore should be done to stop it! Sorry for the rant!