Silence is not always Golden

Parents’ evenings can bring many things to light as Stephanie Arsoska found when she discovered her son would not speak to any adult outside the family home. She shares her story how selective mutism came into her life.

I always knew my son was shy. I hoped that in time he would become more confident but I did not feel too concerned. His key worker at nursery described him as a quiet but clever boy and I was sure that in time he would find his feet and his voice.

I was wrong.

Things quickly unravelled for my son when he started Primary School. He had been anxious about the move but he liked his teacher and I was hopeful that he would settle happily. It wasn’t long, however, before his teacher asked to meet with me to discuss concerns over his speech and it was at that meeting that I saw my son as I had never seen him before.  Not only would he not speak a word to his teacher but I was distressed to discover that he could not even speak to me in her presence.

I was shocked.  My son was a chatterbox at home, he had a good vocabulary and was certainly far quiet around the house. How could it be that now, with me right beside him, he could not utter a single sound?  He couldn’t even shake or nod his head as I asked him questions in front of his teacher. He just looked at me, his eyes anxious, face frozen.

It soon became clear that my son could not talk to other adults outside the home.  What ever was going on for him was more than just shyness but I didn’t know how to help him. It was another mother who suggested Selective Mutism, a condition I had not heard of before, but when I read the diagnostic criteria I could see a description of my boy.

My GP was kind but skeptical, I could sense that she felt I was exaggerating a case of shyness but after assessing my son she confirmed my fear that he was indeed suffering from Selective Mutism.

Selective Mutism is not well known condition and yet it is estimated that it effects 6 in every 1000 children. While it might appear as shyness, Selective Mutism  is actually an anxiety disorder where children find themselves unable to speak in particular situations.  Children may appear shy or rude when in actual fact they are physically unable to talk. Unfortunately due to a lack of understanding around the issue these children often  find themselves labeled as disobedient or difficult.

Several months on from his diagnosis my son still does not speak to adults at school.  Selective Mutism is treatable and we are using gentle techniques of gradual exposure to situations he finds difficult, but it will be a slow process. In the mean time we try not to refer to his talking at all, instead I write him stories. Stories of children who find themselves locked in world silence just like him and how those children eventually find their voice.  I hope that in time we will help him to find his.

You can find information and support at Selective Mutism

Stephanie blogs at Storybramble where she posts free audio stories and poems for children with follow on creative activities.  She is a trained actor, qualified drama teacher and very unqualified mother of her two children aged five and two. Find her on Twitter, Facebook and Google +

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