Our next BiB Fresh Voice contender is Hannah Jeeves who writes at Make do and push she embraces the topic of sex after children, I think many women have had identical thoughts so rad on and be empowered
“As his hand slid up the skirt of her dress, she felt a tingle of ecstasy run down her spine and she…” WAIT! WAIT! WAAAIT! Bea’s grandparents, if you’re reading this please close the page now, and read something else (may I suggest another one of BritMums fabulous posts? Or BBC news? A popular, and appropriate, choice.)
Phew! That was close.
Right. Sex. Let’s get down to it. I’m going to be honest: I had no sex drive during my pregnancy. Even when I felt a twinge “down below” I was immediately filled with guilt and horror; I couldn’t have sex with a baby in my tummy! She’s alive, she moves, she might not know that her parents are getting down and dirty, but it’s not exactly the menage-a-trois of my dreams… Wouldn’t sex whilst pregnant be considered morally wrong?! So, as you can imagine, I was greatly looking forward to some business time once Baby was in the world. However, despite my eagerness, I was plagued with worry and was, quite frankly, dreading it.
Why was I dreading it?
Well, firstly, when you push a baby out of your lady parts everything is stretched somewhat. I was concerned: what if I can’t feel anything? Will I be faking orgasms for the rest of my life? What if I’m too stretched down there for my husband-to-be? Surely he’ll leave me for a younger and (sorry to be crude) tighter model?!
Then entered my self-conscious fear: after everything that area has endured, it can’t look attractive down there… can it?! My thoughts turned to pain and bleeding: Will penetration restart the bleeding? I was concerned that sex would turn into a scene from a horror movie, but not only that, I was worried that it would really hurt. After the pain of childbirth, the thought of putting yourself through more pain so soon isn’t appealing.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the postpartum body; deflated breasts, baby roll, extra large hips, stretch marks – how was I ever going to feel attractive again? Finally, once we’ve got over all of the above, when would we actually have sex? I couldn’t possibly have sex with a baby in the room, and Baby is always there.
So we waited.
We waited until I was ready. A whole 13 weeks. We waited 13 long weeks until we took the proverbial plunge – and you know what? It was great: I won’t go into details, but yabadabadoo! And I was worried that I wouldn’t feel sexy or attractive? Well, it’s amazing how having a baby makes you feel: Empowered! Sexy! I was on top of the…world!
According to a recent study in the BJOG (An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology) 41% of first-time mums have attempted vaginal sex 6 weeks postpartum, this rose to 78% at 12 weeks, but if you don’t fancy it after only 12 weeks then never fear, 94% of women had attempted vaginal sex by 6 months. This study just shows that it’s best to wait until you’re ready; you know your own body.
Oh, and when you do start getting jiggy again, don’t forget to use protection: two babies that can’t walk? Think of the sciatica!
Hannah Jeeves blogs over at Make, Do and Push! As well as a new blogger, she is a new Mummy to a beautiful baby girl born in December 2012.
Hannah has a degree in English Literature and Drama from the University of East Anglia, and cites writing as her biggest passion. Her other interests include musical theatre, photography, crafting, cheese and gin. When not on maternity leave she works in public healthcare, but less said about that the better! Tweet with her and like her on Facebook
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Rhia
Wednesday 8th of May 2013
Fabulous post! Thanks for sharing - certainly helps to know others have felt the same as you- this isn't necessarily what you talk about at playgroup over a polystyrene cuppa!!
Hannah
Friday 10th of May 2013
Thank you so much, Rhia - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Hannah