Post-40 Bloggers Round-up: If you read only one post…

When I first battled breast cancer it was one of the loneliest periods of my life. I had made the conscious decision to not tell my children, family or friends until I knew what was going on. Really knew. I saw little point in a group of people worrying about an uncertain future and, moreover, hanging onto the end of a phone waiting for me to call with news of that future. I didn’t want that added pressure. So I suppose the decision to go it alone was also a selfish and self-centred one. And this decision proved to be one of the most isolating things I could have done. A private person, I certainly did not let anyone at work know what was going on until I had to. Even after they knew, I begged to be treated as normal and not be defined by breast cancer. I was more than that before diagnosis and wanted to remain so post-diagnosis.

What was to prove more telling, though, was the people I blocked out at the hospital and Big C centre I had to attend daily. Why? Because I wasn’t like those other people with cancer. I had the good cancer… nothing bad was going to happen to me so why become institutionalised with people with whom I had little in common? (#Idiot.)

This self-imposed isolation ended one day at work – on a day when I thought I looked particuarly good. A colleague joined me to wait for the lift home and proclaimed ‘Jesus, you look awful.’ Top marks for no filters.

So it would seem I had fooled no-one with my ‘brave’ and relentless daily routine of sleep > work > hospital > radiotherapy > home > sleep > work…

After my tears dried, I made some different decisions. I told my children, family and friends and went on sick leave from work. On my next visit, I also started to engage with those ‘other people’ in the Big C Centre. Far from being institutionalised, it was such a bloody relief to talk to people who understood. Really understood. I had found my tribe.

I was reminded of that time of self-imposed exile by a post written by John Adams of the Dad Blog UK and is the post I am recommending you don’t miss this month. ‘Dads and Social Isolation’ talks about the social isolation felt by dads at home raising children. Whilst not taking anything away from stay-at-home mums, John does make the point eloquently that dads face a particular type of aloneness – which embracing a circle of mum friends can’t really address. I particularly liked the ‘no agenda’ vibe of John’s post and embedded video.

Do have a read and listen. Whatever your situation, you might feel less alone after doing so.

John can be found on t’internet at:

Blog – DadBlogUK.com
Twitter – http://twitter.com/DadBlogUK
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/dadbloguk
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/dadbloguk

Thank you for this enlightening post, John. Your words jumped off the page.

And talking of finding your tribe, Post-40 Bloggers will again be hosting another round-table discussion for bloggers and writers aged 40+ at BritMums Live! June 2016. We would love for you to join us. Register here for the UK’s biggest and buzziest social media conference.

In the meantime, see you next month with another pick from talented bloggers and writers aged 40+. And do join us if you would like a chance to have your blog or work regularly read for features on the Post-40 Bloggers’ content-rich website. Who knows, it might be your post filling this coveted BritMums spot next month!

Until then, my very best.

About Melinda Fargo

Melinda Fargo (‘Mel’) is the Editor-in-Chief of Post-40 Bloggers, a community website showcasing and featuring (free of charge) the talents of bloggers and writers aged 40+. She is a freelance writer, successful blogger (‘What Mel Did’), a newspaper columnist for the UK’s largest regional newspaper and an amateur photographer and public speaker. To pay the bills, she is a project management professional. A mother of four young adults, Melinda remains a widow, but will marry Denzel Washington after the sudden and unexpected disappearance of any of his wives.

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