Newbie Tuesday roundup: A new normal

New bloggers finding their new normal

There is something about tragedy and intense periods of stress that changes you forever. There is a process, beginning with shock, sometimes grief, then anger. I’m told that eventually there is acceptance, and transition to a ‘new normal.’ I guess it’s kind of like having your first baby, when although the change is usually a happy one, adapting to a different way of life is a sharp but prolonged learning curve. This month I’ve found several new bloggers who are all dealing with very difficult events in their lives, and I’m struck by the fact that tragedy hasn’t just stopped them in their tracks – they’re all quite clearly working towards their new normal.

Can there ever be a new normal?

I’m going to start with a big post. Wife of a Perfect Man started her blog after her husband died in an accident at work, aged only 24. I’ve read a few of her posts now, and I’m struck by their frankness. She is detailed and open about her partner’s death in a way that isn’t dramatised, or morbid, but quite simply honest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone write about tragedy in such a straightforward way, and it’s disarming, but completely engaging. She wrote about the day her husband died with candour, and I felt like I could relate to her, despite never having been in her situation. Have a read, and leave her a comment – I think you’ll like her.

Now as a parent,  you’ll know all about chaos of mealtimes. I loved this description of a ‘normal’ family breakfast and recognised a few of our own idiosyncracies in it. I’m not ashamed to admit I used to be a control freak; no way was my child going to hold me to ransom over the colour of a straw, or get away with leaving vegetables untouched. And actually, on most things, I’m still pretty firm. When you add a Type 1 diabetic into the mix though, you really stop sweating the small stuff, as Caroline explains in Aboard the Type 1 Rollercoaster. Food refusal takes on a whole new meaning when you have insulin on board!

If you, or someone close to you, has ever dealt with a cancer diagnosis, you’ll empathise with posts at Rethink Street. The writer has recently undergone surgery and chemotherapy for breast cancer. She sounds so positive, but she’s wondering when she’s going to start feeling normal, or what her new normal will be. I read the comments – mostly from women who have been there – and was taken with how honest, and generally encouraging they were. People don’t just give up; normal is difficult, sadness happens to all of us, to varying degrees, and it shapes our lives going forward. What I’m most impressed by though, is the volume of people who say that they are possibly a better person for having experienced a horrible diagnosis or event. Their resilience is inspiring.

For a new mum, an unplanned emergency C-section is at the bottom of the list of things you want to happen on the day you give birth. I imagine it to be an incredibly distressing experience, and it’s not something that most pregnant women will want to dwell too much on. So when it happens, my guess is that you’re totally unprepared. Which is why I like this post from Dexters Mummy, on what your midwife never told you about C-sections. Again, it’s honest, in a non-scary way, and I think if I’d done any preparation before the births of my children, this is the post I’d like to have read.

Finally, I think very difficult times change your outlook on life for the better. My own experience is that I’m now a much better mum generally, as a result of our own particular set of challenges. I still nag about messy bedrooms, but I don’t get cross about them; forgotten library books don’t result in admonishment from me, and whilst I do make my children deal with their own mistakes on some level, I never complain about having to help them out of a tight spot these days. It’s my job to teach them, and to love them, and to let them learn from their mistakes. 

I was reminded just this morning of my new ability to not sweat the small stuff, when I read this post about the death of a stranger on When the Dust Settles. It’s an awful fact, but sometimes it takes a tragedy to help you notice more of the important things in life, and focus less on the day-to-day hassles that used to cause you stress. It’s not a fair exchange, but it is sometimes a consolation.

If you’re a new blogger, let us know, so we can come and pay you a visit!

About Helen Wills

Helen Wills is a mum of 2 children in primary school and blogs at Actually Mummy on parenting issues, school, travel, and life according to the kids. Since starting her blog in 2011, Helen has won 2 national awards, and puts a lot of her success down to the amazing online community of bloggers at BritMums. As her children grow older, her writing is increasingly influenced by their opinions, and her blog reflects this drive to get the most out of family life. Helen works from home in copywriting and social media. She is on Twitter @actuallymummy.

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