Let me start this month’s round-up with the obligatory caveat that we love our children dearly, would walk to the ends of the earth for them, and wouldn’t have things any other way. BUT! It’s fair to say that the moment your tiny infant makes their entrance in to your world, life as you know it, will never be the same again.
This month I am sharing some posts from some brilliant bloggers about how life changes once the small people come along. These posts have made me nod along, laugh out loud and really wish I had my pre-children pelvic floor muscles.
So how does life as we know it change?
Carry on Katy’s hilarious post, A Blog About Boobs is all about the nightmare of bra shopping. And these days, it’s all about function rather than form…
She scooped up my boobs, stomach and most of my back fat into her hands and balanced them on top this polka-dotted balconette number.
I achieved a size 10 waist and a comfortable chin rest instantaneously.
‘It’s ok, but I’m not sure my car insurance company will pay out in the event of an accident if my vision is compromised’, I said.
‘But, on the plus side, I guess I’ll have my very own built-in airbags’.
What free time I hear you shout! What Mum Should Have Told Me wrote a really funny and very true post, What Did You Do All Day? about the difference in doing the chores without the small people around to ‘help’.
“I baked a cake for Grandma’s birthday, but it was a bit rubbish because I forgot to lick the whisk because you and your brother and sister weren’t here to remind me.”
This was an opportunity for a one-woman Ellie Goulding gig in my kitchen. I’m not ashamed. When I’m on my own I will put some music to ear-bleeding volume, and dependent on my mood or the song involved, either demonstrate my cooking abilities as though I’m appearing on The Great British Bake Off, or a quirky music video which has a narrative of a tortured housewife baking a cake whilst killing the lyrics and moody looks to camera (cooker hood).
Returning to work after maternity leave can be terrifying, liberating, herat breaking and exciting. But as There We Go demonstrates in her post 13 Things That Will Happen When You Return To Work, it’s never the same as it was before!
5. You’ll get to the office at least once (a month) and realise you still have the toddler’s Thomas The Tank rucksack, while your own handbag is nowhere to be found. Those notes from yesterday’s meeting? They’re being ‘coloured in’ as we speak. With your best mascara.
Like proper out out, with heels and no small people attached to your ankles. The days of shopping for a new outfit and taking around three hours to get ready are long gone. These days going out requires meticulous planning, but not for yourself, it’s everyone else you need to organise. Take Mummy Muckups exapmles in I’m A Mummy; Get Me Out Of Here!
6am is kick off. The clicking of the Bumblebee transformer at the bedroom door signifies the day has begun and my mind immediately begins. Is it too early? Will he be tired and grumpy later? Or is it a good thing? Does it mean he will fall into bed and go straight to sleep for the sitter? So begins my busy brain.
I roll out of bed and head straight for the freezer where I take out the ‘sure thing’ sausages for the kids dinner tonight. I use the diversion of breakfast (along with the iPad) to sneak my shower in. This will be epic. For today, one must shave the pits, the legs AND wash the hair.
I wrote a post on my blog Life, Love and Dirty Dishes about decorating, DIY Before Kids vs After Kids. Doing DIY was Something I used to take for granted before kids, I could decide spur of the moment to re-paint the kitchen and just do it!
Before Kids… You wore scruffy DIY clothes and maybe put your hair in pigtails and wore a bandanna to look ‘cute’.
After Kids… You are alarmed to discover that your once worn out DIY clothes look positively smart compared to your normal day wear. Your husband compliments you on your clothes. Although you don’t remember them being so snug last time. You vow to buy new clothes and start a diet.
Before kids when you attended a wedding or a christening the biggest thing you had to worry about was your outfit. As for the day itself, that was just to be enjoyed. But life as we know it has changed! Having just attended a christening where the little one spent the entire service running up and down the aisle (believe me it was much quieter than if we had stopped him) and the big one kept telling me how bored he was in his loudest whisper (aka twice normal volume) Firsttooth’s post, Toddler Guests at a Christening was one I could totally relate to!
The silence became too much for my friends’ toddler, the sister of the baby being Christened, as she kept announcing to the Vicar “he’s here. HE’S HERE” about her baby brother. It almost turned in to a song“he’s heeereeee, he’s here” as the Vicar continued the service in a higher tone, not sure whether to pause.
Leaving The House
Remember when you just grabbed your keys and left the house. Life was so simple! Now getting the family ready to leave can take an entire morning! Five Little Doves wrote a beautiful post that had me laughing and holding back tears as she talked about life with Three Under Three and the ups and downs, but ultimately how life as we know it now, is worth every sleepless night and tantrum the small people throw at us.
On the weekends we would take two prams out with us, Gaz pushing one and me pushing the other, and we would walk in convoy, the lack of high-vis vests being the only thing that distinguished us from a Pre-School day out.
So that’s all from me for this month. Hope you enjoy these posts and share a bit of blog love for these brilliant bloggers.
I’ll be back next month with some more funnies for your amusement. If you have a funny post pop along to my Friday Frolics linky.
I’ll leave you with one final thought…