LOL Round-up: Festive giggles

I think we have another 10 days of Christmas madness where we run round like headless chickens with to-do lists trailing in the wind behind us.  At some point we will remember where we hid little Jack’s main present from Father Christmas.  You know the one that you spent two weeks tracking down and nearly cried at the cost.  But soon the chaos shall calm and we can slowly start to enjoy the fruits of our labour and the fruits in the wine bottle.  In the meantime, don’t loose your head.  Have a read of these LOL round-up festive funnies and crack open the Christmas chocolates.  No it’s not too early.

 

Christmas Traditions

We don’t do The Elf on The Shelf.  Our attempt ended with Big barricading himself upstairs refusing to come down until the elf stopped playing with his toys and spying on him, and buggered off back to the North pole.  Christmas traditions seem to have taken on a whole new level and create a to-do list all of their own.  Absolutely Prabulous has a brilliant rant about the madness in her post, 7 Christmas Traditions That get On My Nerves…

I decorate the tree/half the house, I buy the gifts, I fight with the end of the sellotape roll, I wrap the gifts, I half-heartedly consider Jamie Oliver’s alternative mince pie recipes and then side with Delia’s traditional ones instead, Hubster makes a stonking meal, we open the gifts, we lose at least two items from the kids’ new toys and games before we’ve even cleared up the wrapping paper waste, I pass out with a belly full of food and wine, I wake up, I raid the cheese and chocolates… Isn’t that what everyone does? Now I find out I was supposed to be making traditions?!

 

Perfect Gifts

There is always someone that you just don’t know what to buy.  Maybe because you don’t actually like this person very much!  Whinge Whinge Wine has the perfect alternative gift guide.  I mean who wouldn’t want a book about crafting with cat hair?  I’m sure you will find the perfect gift in Fran’s Secret Santa Gift Guide For People You Hate

 

 

It’s been a fair few years since I penned a letter to the big man in red.  But if I did, what would I really really want, aside from a date with Gerard Butler?  This Mum’s Life has her list sorted in, All I Want For Christmas Is…

I’d like a cleaner. Actually, there’s a fine line developing between wanting a cleaner, and being forced to move out because the house needs fumigating.

 

School Chaos

Nothing adds to the Christmas chaos like having a kid in primary school.  there’s mufti days, Christmas jumper days, Christmas plays, church services, festive fairs, and trying to remember the name of 30 kids and getting your kid to write their name 30 times.  It is utter mayhem.  But fear not, So Happy In Town has written a very useful survival guide, Top 10 Tips to Surviving The School Christmas Frenzy…

Try to remain calm and together when you realise you’ve lost your children at the Christmas Fair and you’ve spent £50 on tat that your kids don’t even want (and which you are now carrying around). They’ve even managed to buy back the attractive plastic cooker that you thought you’d finally got rid of.

 

Nativity Plays

It’s the hottest ticket in town.  The calendar event of the year.  Whether your child is Joseph, an angel, or a chicken, (yes Big was a chicken one year!)  there is never a dry eye in the house.  Twinderelmo has some great tips for ensuring that your child doesn’t end up being a Chicken in her post, 5 Ways To Guarantee Your kid Will Be Mary Or Joseph… 

4) Have loud conversations whilst standing next to the teacher about your pet sheep

Sheep? They will presume you have knowledge of farm animals and stables – can you see where I’m going with this? But more importantly you probably have access to free hay that you can be called upon as favour for to scatter in the stable scene, as we all know how far teaching budgets stretch. Make sure you barter with the teacher for Mary/Joseph role in exchange. Then clear out Pets at Home for bags of hay – it’s a small price to pay for this much coveted role.

The Ish mother has some great tips about managing expectations when it comes to the Nativity play in her post, The First School Nativity…

PREPARATION
Expectation: Cooing at her efforts to learn all the carols and joining her in a rendition of ‘Away in a Manger’.
Reality: Clenching my jaw as, instead of going to sleep, she lays in bed singing ‘Ding Dong Merrily On High’ with gusto.

 

Carols

And finally it wouldn’t be Christmas without some festive tunes, so here is a parody of Away In a manger that I wrote for the frazzled Mum’s out there, A Mum’s Christmas Carol… 

 

Oh  Dear Father Christmas

There’s no sleep to be had,

The baby is teething,

And the kids have gone mad

From all the excitement

For this one day a year,

I’m bribing good behavior

With the naughty list fear. 

 

There’s shopping to be done

And the presents to wrap,

But I’ve got a sniffle and

There’s no time to feel crap.

I’m having a nightmare

Finding an Elsa doll,

Please tell me you make them

In that there North Pole.

 

There’s no elves on my shelves

Because I ran out of time

Making school play costumes,

Oh please bring me some wine.

I still need to find room

For the Christmas tree,

And plan for the children

To come sit on your knee.

 

The house needs a good clean

There is dirt on my floor,

And we’re having a visit

From my mother-in-law.

So please Father Christmas

I have just one thing to ask,

When you come down my chimney

Wipe your feet on the hearth.

You can read more of my festive posts here.

 

So that’s it from the LOL Round-up for another year!  See you in 2018 with more funny posts.  Don’t forget to check out Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles in the mean time.  

Have a fantastic Christmas.

Claire x