How to discuss cancer with children

Discussing Cancer with Children

One of the hardest things about being diagnosed with cancer can be telling your family, especially if you have young children. It can be tempting to put the conversation off in the hopes of protecting them, but children are more aware than we often give them credit for. The best thing to do is be open and honest from the start. Below we’ve assembled a guide to make this difficult process that little bit easier:

Choosing a Time and Place

There’s never a ‘right’ time to break the news, but some are better than others. You may decide to drop a few hints beforehand to prepare them – this is especially a good idea with younger children. Try and make sure you have at least two to three hours in which to answer their questions and allow them to adjust. Evenings can be best: make sure you have no plans and, after dinner, gather the whole family in a comforting space where you know you won’t be interrupted. It sounds silly, but remembering to do little things like take the phone off the hook can make a big difference – there’s no escaping this will be a difficult few hours and the fewer potential distractions the better.

Remember: if you’re nervous beforehand or not sure of what to say, your doctor/nurse can help give you advice and may even volunteer to be on hand to answer any questions.

What to Say

A lot of people find it hard to tell their loved ones they have cancer. If you find approaching the subject difficult, talk to your partner, sibling, parent or closest friend beforehand – it may be that having someone else break the news for you is the best course.

The best advice at this point is to be as open and honest as possible. Take things step by step – explaining everything at once may confuse and upset them. Allow the conversation to grow from point to point by letting your children interrupt with questions and answering those questions as honestly as possible. If you don’t know the answer, it’s OK to say “I don’t know”. Explain everything in simple terms so they will understand it. Remember to reassure them that they will still be loved and cared for, no matter what happens.

Advice

Children process things differently from adults, and it’s worth remembering unusual behaviour is most likely their way of trying to deal with it. They may become introverted or naughty or even seemingly brush it off. All it means is they’re trying, in their own way, to understand and come to terms with your news. They may even feel guilty – because they’ve misbehaved recently or think they’re somehow responsible. In the following weeks continue to reassure them and let them know they’re not to blame.

If they’re in school, consider having a quiet word with your child’s teacher; though make sure you’re very clear about how much you’re happy for others to know. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it – if you have no immediate family to turn to, your local cancer support group will be on hand to help any way they can.

This guest post was written by the bloggers at  Cancer Research, providing help and support for those suffering with Cancer.