Where do you stand on the co-sleeping debate? Kayleigh Houghton blogs at Because I said so and tells BritMums about her eureka moment when she decided to follow her heart and not what she’d been told was acceptable in regards to co sleeping.
I really believed in my previous life (as a non-parent) that the best place for a baby to sleep was in his or her own cot. I had it passed onto me from every single member of my family, every friend with older children, every work colleague and every member of my husband’s family. Talk about pressure!! Never mind what I needed or wanted to do. I had never even held my baby and yet I was being expected to conform to some ‘standards’ set by others.
I did some research and I did believe that the safest place for my son to sleep was indeed his Moses Basket, however in reality this was never going to work. I suspect that those helpful friends and family had forgotten the 3 wake up calls a night, the overwhelming sleep deprivation (which I later found out is likened to jet lag… no kidding!) and above all that “I can’t put you down” love that overtakes your life within the first 6 weeks of becoming a parent.
So off I set with my fixed ideals about night time and prayed for the best.
What I hadn’t anticipated was the guilt I would feel for keeping my baby in bed with me night after night and the overwhelming obligation I felt to everyone else to lie about where he was sleeping. I started off each night ‘correctly’ placing him in his Moses basket, rocking him back and forth and by the time I had woken for the 4th feed at 2am, I was just too tired to even try and move him, when he was clearly so happy.
The thing is, because I had got it into my head that he shouldn’t sleep with me, I didn’t have any of the safety measures in place to protect him and so I found myself asleep sat up with him on so many occasions. All for the sake of appearing ‘normal’.
As time went on, he went in his own cot, in his own room and so I made the nightly trip to his room to feed him; again all the while wishing I could be sleeping next to him.
He grew up, became less dependent on me and became a ‘big boy’ when he went in a bed instead of a cot. What an achievement for him! I enjoyed cuddles and co-sleeping on holidays but then immediately put him back into his ‘routine’ when we returned home.
I don’t know what happened, but one day it was like I had an epiphany. What exactly was I trying to achieve by putting such fixed rules in place? Who cares what other people think? What does it matter if my little boy wants to sleep with his mummy and daddy every night until he’s 6? It doesn’t matter, that’s the point.
It was like a Eureka moment to me and I suddenly found myself encouraging him to sleep with us. My husband jumped on board too. It was so strange, it was like we reached the decision together and embraced our ‘family’ at the same time. Now we have removed the gate from Mason’s room and absolutely love it when he comes and climbs in at night. I love waking up next to him and getting all those early morning cuddles.
Being a working mum, I don’t have all the time in the World with him and so these extra moments and him knowing I am there is something I feel so happy about. Sometimes he doesn’t want to sleep with us and sometimes we put him back in his own bed to enjoy a bit of time alone; however the fact remains, we are now big fans of co-sleeping and it came from out of nowhere.
Do I tell anyone our new arrangements? Absolutely! And you know what? Once you tell people how you are enjoying sleeping as a family, they come out of co-sleeping hiding too!
I am looking forward to brushing off the negative vibes with my next baby and doing what is best for my family, not anyone else’s.
Kayleigh is a wife, mother of 3 (if you include the 2 cats) and currently lives and works in Dubai as a Project Manager. As well as juggling her home, career and family, Kayleigh continuously finds herself in situations (often caused by blonde moments) that would make your toes curl. She writes about these parenting experiences in her blog Because I said so.
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Galina V
Tuesday 22nd of September 2015
There's a lot of negative myths about co-sleeping. In many cultures it is a norm. When I mentioned it to the child psychiatrist who we encountered when our older son was diagnosed with autism, she talked to me in such a patronising way, like we don't do it here in Britain, in our civilized society. She also claimed our son would never leave our bed, well, guess what, he did, when the time was right for him. With my younger one I didn't listen to any well-wishers, and co-sleeping was the best solution for us. He was so colicky that for the first few weeks only lying on my chest kept him calm. As for the comment above and the baby falling out, she could have used a bedrail to prevent this from happening.
Sarah norris
Wednesday 2nd of September 2015
a nice article and lovely that you found something that worked for you, but it really makes me cringe when people write about co sleeping with small babies and show pictures of someone with a baby asleep on them. This is so dangerous and it should always be stressed that SAFE co sleeping practises should be followed at all times. I worked for one mother who was woken by the sound of her baby hitting the floor after she had fallen asleep in bed and she always struggles with the guilt from this. X