Did you know that the average 4 year old asks 635 questions a day. Sometimes all before breakfast. It’s hardly surprising that with all those questions and observations of their little world, they sometimes flummox us, make us want to die with embarrassment, or pee our pants laughing. If there’s one universal parenting truth, it’s that kids say the funniest things.
The Difficult Questions:
Out of the blue he came out with “Dad, what’s a ‘hooker’?”
Erm…. well, son, it’s another name for a prostitute. Do you remember when we were talking about that lady on the news the other day who was hurt by the horrible man?
“A PROSTITUTE! OH RIGHT – I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUGBY. I’LL HAVE TO TELL MRS SMITH TOMORROW!!!!”
The Childlike Logic:
Questions Bella asks when playing Guess Who with Daddy
Bella – Does yours have eyebrows?
Bella – Does yours have lovely hair?
3. What makes Mummy sad? “If you go outside and it’s raining and you find a cat all alone and something happens to it.”
Barber: “Hello young man, you look very brown, have you been on your holidays?”
Boy: “Yes, I’ve been to the Isle of Wight”
Barber: “How do you get there then?”
Boy: “On the Fairy Boat”
The Insight Into Their World:
1) If you were in charge of the country, what rules would you make?
Nobody can go near crocodiles.
No Climbing Fences.
Don’t draw on houses.
Don’t leave your door open for three days. Leaves might blow in.
Don’t wear your glasses in bed. They might break.
The Endless Cycle of Questions:
Mummy, what’s that? (Points to undercarriage of dog).
Me: That’s Riker’s willy (Note: I get the whole ‘call bits by their real anatomical name’ thing, I do. But this will do fine for me).
Don’t be silly mummy that’s not his willy (I don’t know why she asks so many questions when she really does know everything).
Me: OK then.
Why don’t I have a willy?
Me: Because girls don’t have willies. Only boys.
Mummy, what are willies made of?
The “Dear God No”
“My Mickey is standing up! Can I touch it now mammy Jeesus look mammy look !” I was about to grab him and see if he would fit in my bag or a hole (which I was hoping would appear) when he added “does your Mickey stand up mammy?”
Then there was the time I decided to self-scan so that I didn’t have to speak to the cashier. Unfortunately, the self scanner hated me and I had to call for help. The assistant started coming over as Youngest started shouting,
“Mummy, isn’t he big. What a big man. He is big. I can spell it mummy B-I-G” as I tried to shut her up before he reached us. “Sssssh darling, that’s not polite but I know what you mean he is very tall”
to which Youngest shouted
“AND HIS BELLY MUMMY, LOOK AT HIS BELLY. IT B-I-G”
At this point the man was almost upon us so I panicked and put my hand over her mouth to stop her saying anything else.
The Fascination With Body Parts:
Mummy? What are these? Are they guns? Can you shoot things from them?“
Thankfully he ran off before I had a chance to explain that no, they were not guns, they were in fact my boobs. And yes, he did prod them when asking in a way that warranted ‘honk honk’ sound effects.
And then of course there are the things that every toddler says day in day out as summed up brilliantly in The Top 10 most Annoying toddler catchphrases by Motherhood The Real Deal
What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, what’s his is mine and what’s hers is mine…basically the whole world is mine when you’re a toddler. Selfish to the max.
What little gems have your little darlings come out with recently?
See you next month for another LOL round-up. In the meantime if you fancy some giggles head over to my blog, Life, Love and Dirty Dishes.