As soon as you announce your pregnancy, every friend, relative and complete stranger has a wealth of parenting advice to bestow on you.
Most of it will be unsolicited, some out dated, some down right ridiculous. Most of it will be overwhelming and a lot of it can be quite scary. Occasionally there will be a golden nugget of solid advice. You will cling to that nugget and pass on to anyone you see with a bump in an unsolicited fashion, because it kept you sane during the continuous craziness of parenting.
In the meantime, enjoy some real, and some slightly alternative parenting advice from this hilarious bunch of bloggers…
Mumzilla – An Alternative Hospital Bag Packing Guide
Forget the list of what to take to hospital that you read in your baby book. Sarah has it covered in her alternative and far more practical guide to what you should be taking:
Xanax – you’ll need to chill out after when you’re on the ward with 15 shriking newborns trying to change that first meconium nappy with COTTON BLOODY WOOL
Kerry Shaw Mummy of Four – Dear Beyonce – You’re Having Twins
Kerry’s letter to Beyonce is packed full of the advice that no one really tells you, but you really wished you hadn’t had to find out for yourself. Like this little gem about coping with morning sickness:
The best carrier bags to throw up in are Dorothy Perkin’s ones, they hold a lot of vomit, do not use Tesco carrier bags, the sick will just run straight through.
Babies, Biscuits & Booze – Motherhood Risk Assessment
It’s impossible to comprehend just how much having children will turn your life upside down and sideways. Ellen has you covered with her motherhood risk assessment:
Hazard: A 3 bedroomed house suddenly becoming too small for 3 people as it is overrun with baby paraphernalia and toys.Action taken: Buy ‘clever storage solutions’, attempt to throw some of your own shit away, eventually give up futile efforts and realise your house will never be pristine again.
Get the radio or You tube up and have a Spratt dance party in the living room. To make it extra ‘cool’, shut the curtains to make it proper, kids like that.
You sit on the sofa as the ‘music director’ (win) and have them dance for you.
Whinge Whinge Wine – Top 10 Tips For Harmonious Holidays
Going on holiday with kids is about as far removed from a ‘holiday’ as you can actually get. However Fran has some great advice to help you survive your getaway:
4) Tidy the house
Returning at 4am with poorly, ridiculously overtired children, a vomiting husband and a suitcase packed with a week’s worth of washing* to a house which looks like it has been hastily abandoned in a drugs bust is the absolute pits. Make time to clean or be prepared to hate yourself.
Absolutely Prabulous – 10 Ways to Tell Kids About Sex
Before having kids you may have some preconceived notion that you are going to be a cool parent and be able to handle any question your kid throws at you. In reality any mention of the birds and bees makes you want to put your hands over your ears and sing “lalalalalala”. Luckily Prabs has how to handle it covered
7. Walk past her room, lob an ‘informative’ book (see below) at the bed while she’s got her headphones on and run away.
And finally some advice from myself about dealing with the dreaded infestation that is nits – How To Deal With Nits in 8 Easy Steps
Step Two: Apply the nit solution to everyone’s hair Be prepared for a vigorous workout when applying nit solution to a two year old who NEVER stands still as you chase him around the house for half an hour. This process will lead to the urge to just shave everyone’s hair off, including your own. That is not the solution here.
If you’ve written a funny post head on over to my #FridayFrolics linky and share the giggles.
See you next month for some more laughs.