I love doing the school run. Said no sane person ever.
If you can complete a school run without someone standing in dog poo, falling in a puddle, or screaming “hurry up”, I don’t actually think you are actually doing right.
This is just one of my many, many disastrous school runs…
Or there was this one…
It’s no wonder that the school run is inspiration for some fantastic funny posts like these…
A School Run on Ice by Rhyming With Wine
Now walking with my two is awkward at best,
So throwing in ice is the ultimate test.
Three steps in it’s clear this logistical farce
Can only result in this mum on her arse!
The Boy’s tiny legs are all over the place
Each step brings the ground rather close to his face!
Wet And Windy School Runs by Picking Up Toys
Wellies are fantastic in this weather except if you’ve got chunky calves like me in which case you give yourself a hernia trying to get the bloody things back off!! You get your other half to help and end up kicking him in the gob.
Nightmare on Wheels by Everyone’s Buck Stops Here
Without warning, a shout from the back sounds out “Crap, I think I have PE today? breaks this morning’s driving lesson. Craning my neck upwards, I send him the dagger stare via the rear-view mirror whilst shouting:
‘For f@’ks sakes, clearly that means you DO have PE today!’.
‘Can you bring it in for me? he asks ‘Nope I can’t’ I say firmly, my lips tightly pursed.
‘Great thanks a lot mum, now I will get into trouble and it’s all your fault!’ he yells.
‘Of course, it’s my fault, I will make sure to have my psychic powers back up and running for tomorrow’ I screech.
‘Mum, please’ he shouts ‘you have to, otherwise I will be forced to wear someone else’s skanky, dirty kit, from lost property!’ –
‘I wouldn’t worry too much son, you might be lucky and find one of your 3 kits that went AWOL in there!
Ten Unwritten Rules of The School Run by Sounding Like My Mother
A successfully completed school run always results in one child realising that they have lost or left something at school on your eventual return home. This can be anything from a toy (which you told them not to take into school in the first place), a brand new school jumper or their pants (truth, it happened to us once).
Reasons I Hate The School Run by Confessions of a Crummy Mummy
It involves packing a picnic. Ok that might be a slight exaggeration, but when BB comes out of the classroom the first thing she asks for is a snack. All her classmates do – there’s a chorus of ‘what can I have to eat?’ ‘I’m hungry’ and ‘what did you bring for my snack?’ It makes me question the portion sizes at lunch. The food produced from handbags at our school gate amounts to a veritable feast and some days I feel like I’m laying on a constant buffet between the school run and bed time.
Not Suitable For The School Run by The Incidental Parent
Yesterday’s make-up is a-ok, I’ve even been to work wearing the night before’s slap (I must have passed out lying on my back because it actually looked like I’d just put it on), but that trail of dry slobber around your mouth and down your cheek. Not ok.
23 Things You’ll understand if You’re a School Run Parent by Cardiff Mummy Says
Despite the fact they do it every day, children will always look utterly surprised when you ask them to put their shoes on.
They will also ignore you the first 63,455 times you ask them to put said shoes on and then when you flip and shout at them, they’ll cry about how you’re the meanest mummy/daddy ever.
The School Run by Me, Annie Bee
Seth then decided he’d crawl the rest of the way to school.
Even though he’s two, he’s a big chap.
There I was walking down the road holding the reins of a crawling Buzz Lightyear trying to look like I gave zerofucks when I was actually dying a little inside.
I’ve written a few posts on the subject myself, including a groundbreaking* experiment on how many eyes you actually need for the school run. (*Not at all groundbreaking). I’ve even penned a parody to the classic Why Does It Always Rain On Me by Travis
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because my kids watch too much TV?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
At 3 O’clock the rain starts pouring
Wet school run!
Do you have any school run disaster stories?
See you next month for another LOL Round-up. Don’t forget to link up any funny posts to my Friday Frolics linky.
Take care, and watch out for muddy puddles.