Adoption & Fostering Round-up: Support, school and glitter

adoption fosteringIt’s been a while since I last wrote the round-up, having been very busy lately, so the lovely Sarah and Vicki from The Adoption Social stepped-in. However I am back now and have been reading away avidly the various blogs popping up all over Twitter.

Starting this month with a wonderful blog from Hackney Child at The Care System with fond memories of time in care. The media is all too often full of the low points and negativity of what it’s like to live in foster care and rightly so in many cases unfortunately. However it is good and needed to hear voices like this which highlight the positive memories and experiences that many children do take from their time in the system.

The One Hand Man who mainly blogs about adoption has this month posted about fostering for those who may be considering it. It’s a really useful post for anyone who may be thinking about fostering – and I hope there are many out there because foster carers are desperately needed. My own family are going through this process right now and posts such as these will help those about to take the step and consider all the options of this immensely rewarding role.

In terms of support, specifically Post Adoption Support, it’s become something of the Holy Grail for adoptive parents – certainly it has been mentioned at government level and in the media. Sally Donovan has written about this lately and provided a very good ‘real voice’ to the government’s proposal which is well worth a read when considering the reality of this.

Claire from The Family of Five has also posted about her family’s experience of CAMHS which is part of the local authority support services for all children and young people and would form part of many post adoption support plans. Unfortunately it’s not all a good experience but it’s mothers like Claire who push for what they need and what they know their child needs that ensures fostered and adopted children get the help they may need – something which the government seems to be finally becoming aware of but which there seems to still be some work to be done.

A new blogger on the block is Adoptive Mum with her Secret Diary. She has contributed her first post this month, including what it is like to read in full black and white (and the glorious technicolour of photos) the full extent of the life story of her children. I can relate greatly to this post, having trawled through hundreds of photographs myself, slowly piecing the jigsaw together desperate to understand more about my children and their past experiences.

Sarah from The Puffin Diaries has posted a beautiful post ‘Fix You’ about such a thing – the need and desire to try and understand and heal the previous hurts for our children. Many people outside of the adoption community assume that children forget their experiences and ‘will be fine’ – it’s a common gripe amongst adopters to be told this by well-meaning individuals who don’t quite get what it’s like to parent a fostered or adopted child.  And you know, before I adopted I would have thought the same thing too. Sarah’s post (about the Coldplay song) is very real and well worth a read.

Of course I can’t exclude the subject which has no doubt filled the last couple of weeks of most of our lives lately – the dreaded (or welcomed!) return to school! Yes holidays are over (boo hoo) and children everywhere have returned to the classroom.  Holidays are a mixed bag for most of us – happy days can be punctuated by frustration, stress and even anger. Sometimes writing it down as 3 Bees and a Honey is the best way forward in order to pick up and move on and I think most of us can relate to Honey with her post. Sezz has posted at ‘Dear Daughter’  also about her little one going back, a positive start and the great news of an award! Well done Missy!

Katie (and Pip!) have been making mind jars lately, which is a great way to cool down as we have also discovered. Techniques and resources are a very good way to manage those difficult moments whether they be during the holidays or a post school meltdown. We have made calm jars as we call them, just like Katie recently and I have to say they are very useful and effective particularly if your child is unable to regulate themselves as the glitter really does mesmerise them. However a word of warning – make sure they can’t get the lid off or break it as YOU will NOT find it very calming when you’re trying to get glitter out of a soaked carpet (thanks DS2!) although it is likely to distract you and them from whatever caused the meltdown in the first place!

As always, you can find many posts like this over at The Adoption Social which is a great resource for any bringing together those interested in adoption, working within adoption or fostering and those living it both as adopters and adoptees. Check it out at and of course come find myself, Sarah, Vicki and the rest of the bloggers on Twitter and beyond.

Til next time,


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About Maryam Lane

My own blog can be found at and I am on Twitter @MaryamLane where I have been delighted to find a small but tight adoption and fostering community who like me, love to chat. If you have something that you would like to say about adoption, fostering, social work or any related area, please let me know and I will do my very best to include you in the round-up. Likewise if you spot a great post by a fellow blogger who really deserves a bit of a shout-out, please get in touch. I’ll be keeping out an eye each month for those in the blogosphere involved in adoption/fostering but if I miss anything you can contact me at , via Twitter or my blog

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2 Responses to Adoption & Fostering Round-up: Support, school and glitter

  1. Muma Leary 01 October 2013 at 08:39 #

    Thank you so much for this excellent round up. It is so important to highlight the good and not so good aspects of life as a child in care, a care leaver and a parent ‘in the system’.
    Having worked with care leavers previously I am absolutely passionate about the need to improve the system and the outcomes that they face.
    I wrote a post about ‘ordinary moments’ last week as part of a link up and couldn’t get the young people I’d worked with out of my head so wrote a follow up which you can find here.
    Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more.

  2. Muma Leary 01 October 2013 at 08:40 #

    Oops! Forgot to leave my blog address before. Sorry.