LOL Round-up: Don’t read with a toddler on your knee

 

lol round-upAs the Christmas party season approaches, our minds turn to photocopying our bottoms and wallpapering the office with the images. Or snogging the boss after you’ve eaten a mince-pie leaving crumbs in his moustache. So it seems appropriate to bring together some of your more romantic or raunchier posts.

It’s taken me a month to prepare myself mentally and these are not posts you should be reading with a toddler on your knee. You have been warned.  This is post kids bed-time reading to be teamed with a nice glass of wine or a litre bottle of white cider – whatever gets you going.

Some of these posts leave little to the imagination, but I guarantee you will never forget reading them. Enough health warnings now enjoy!

I’m starting you off gently with a post about getting married and having a special song for the first dance – if you haven’t already been branded with one in your life together up to this point! Given that one of “our songs” had the line “ You were a sleeparound, a lost and found, and not for me I fear” in it,  we also struggled for a song that a jazz band could play in the environs of a very small stately home. We settled on Bewitched – I think? Did we – it had nothing to do with our life together but the key thing was it didn’t suggest I was a slapper! Anyway I’ll let Ruth Shanks from Grandad Came to Tea explain

Our lovely middle aged matron is also at the gentler end of the sexual spectrum with her kindness to those who want advice on wearing their wives’ shoes. No-one yet seems to have asked to borrow her tweedy matronly skirts but I fear it’s just a matter of time. And I am a little concerned  that people are asking her about strict matron caning

Crazy with Twins has also been looking at the way people search google and find themselves on her blog. She seems to be stalked by people obsessed with her boobs and sex. Hilarious stuff. Take a look

But Kate on thin ice is asking for a similar obsession/cult following with this post

I’ve long forgotten what sex is – I’ve been married too many years – but do occasionally get chatted up – by people who don’t know me, not my other half – Obviously! On this occasion the motivation was clear – they wanted me to sign up with a charity!

Tabitha Flyte knows a little about the erotic as she writes erotic literature – now all the rage. This is a very funny post on why she has not had the number of readers that EL James has had – sounds like the sex is rather hotter so it’s not that!

Here’s a tale of a date that kind of goes wrong – or is at least a warning that you really should make sure you get your date’s phone number down correctly.

And this is a lesson on how to attract the opposite sex if you are online dating – informative as well as funny.

This one from Motherventing is funny but also rather informative – I do like my readers to feel they have come away having learnt something. Read the comments as well as the post. Toys it seems are not just for children –  it’s a whole new world out there.

This post from Spencer at Stay at Home Dad and Proud is one of the funniest and most outrageous things I’ve read. Not everyone would want to share such a traumatic experience – but the world is now a far funnier place. Thanks Spencer!

 



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About

Not a Notting Hill Mum" is a journalist and writer, who has lived in Notting Hill for 15 years and blogs about ordinary life in W11 among the celebrities, supermodels and super-rich. She is slowly getting used to the fact that she is also a mother to Amelie and Alexander (now 8 and 5). So as well as writing about what's going on in the neighbourhood from cool - and affordable- places to visit, to how to find the Blue Door, NNHM also writes about the issues thrown up by modern family life and the funny things her children do and say. You can find her at http://www.notanottinghillmum.co.uk

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2 Responses to LOL Round-up: Don’t read with a toddler on your knee

  1. Emma Day (crazywithtwins) 23 November 2012 at 10:18 #

    Ah thankyou so much for including me! I had no idea I was funny! 🙂 xx

  2. RuthlessShanks 26 November 2012 at 14:19 #

    Delighted to be included. Thank you Not a Notting Hill Mum and Brit Mums.