The author of the post I have chosen to highlight this month cannot actually be named.
The post was submitted to the Post-40 Bloggers’ category ‘Unsigned.’ This is where members submit a post they cannot easily carry (or don’t want to carry) on their own blog, and which is published by us anonymously for the author.
The post, ‘Is it only me wishing my husband was dead,’ resonates in the way all simple truths resonate.
Who of us haven’t wished a loved one dead or gone away? Days when just coping with ourselves is too much?
There was a point when I had a young family, a husband, job and other responsibilities when I craved the time to do, well, nothing. To not have my name called a trillion times a day for matters large and small. To not have to think about anything I didn’t want to think about.
Not enough to wish anyone dead, admittedly, but certainly wish them disappeared for a while.
From the outside, such concerns appear trivial and surmountable. However, deprived of time (quality or otherwise) to balance our own thoughts – or just pee alone – and the grind of the daily routine can lead to murderous thoughts.
I’ve also been told by partners and spouses who have been sexually or emotionally betrayed that, in many ways, the hurt of death would have been an easier one to bear than that of their partner’s infidelity.
If we also suffer from depression, some days can seem very black indeed.
And even if we can’t or won’t admit to dark thoughts on occasion, we are helped enormously by people who do. People who stand up and say ‘I know it’s wrong, but I’m thinking this.’
Without such people, we can become isolated in our own situations, believing ourselves monsters or unfit humans.
Without those bloggers documenting some of life’s hard truths we run the risk of feeling trapped in our own lies.
It is for this reason I have chosen the post this month ‘Is it just me wishing my husband was dead.’ One of those posts to which some of us can say an unapologetic ‘Oh, God, me too.’
Thank you Anonymous for documenting your truth. We are also pleased your husband came home safe and sound after your morning argument.
In the meantime, see you all next month with another pick from talented bloggers and writers aged 40+.
And do register your blog with us if you would like it added to the blogs we read regularly for features on the Post-40 Bloggers’ content-rich website. Posts we feature are also publicised (free of charge) across our social media networks. Who knows, it might be your post filling this coveted BritMums spot next month!
Until then, my best, Mel