1. Read letter from school about World Book Day and decide that, since it’s a month away, there’s plenty of time to sort a costume.
2. Mark the date in your diary and vow you will pick something up well in advance.
3. Be reminded of World Book Day 2 days before by child who has extravagant ideas that involve precisely zero items of clothing already owned.
4. Suggest easy ideas such as Oliver Twist that child treats with disdain.
5. Along with child, go through every vaguely exotic piece of clothing in your drawers and wardrobe, offering ways to integrate into various costumes. When child scornfully dismisses them, secretly agree about their lameness.
6. Double check arrival date of fluffy onesie in last ditch attempt at easy option. Wish you had paid for faster delivery. After your child refuses to be calmed, cry a few tears of frustration. Notice positive change in child’s attitude at your efforts. Consider crying more often as tantrum defense.
7. The evening before, park several blocks from party shop and walk briskly to shop before it closes. Shout “Come on!” over your shoulder repeatedly to helpfully motivate your child to keep up.
8. Arrive at shop, see crowd of other parents and children and wonder just who these people are and why they’ve left it so late to get an outfit.
9. Race around aisles looking for hedgehog, dog or mouse outfit. Discover fuzzy bunny mask and rationalise that £16.50 isn’t that much to spend on mask. Wonder if husband would wear it for fancy dress. Try not to notice its similarities to rabbit in “Donnie Darko”.
10. Delight in your child’s enthusiasm on the morning and her apparent pride in wearing it into class. Try not to think of money that would have been saved with express shipping on onesie.
11. Pray onesie arrives before Red Nose Day.
About Jennifer Howze
Jennifer Howze is the co-founder of BritMums. She blogs about travel, family and London life at Jenography.net. Previously, she wrote the Alpha Mummy blog at The Times and as a journalist has contributed to The Times, The Guardian, The Independent, The Wall Street Journal, Travel & Leisure, Budget Travel, CNN.com, Allure, SELF and Premiere, among others. She won The Maggie Award from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America for a health article in Seventeen magazine.
Brought a smile to my face this morning, as did fact J now deemed too old for costumes – book day is now actually about reading books (never thought I’d root for the serious option).I felt quite smug watching the younger ones file in wearing their fabulous outfits.
I love the owl though and the Donnie Darko refererence.
We managed to squeeze Austin into the dinosaur outfit from his second birthday party….it’s more of a dinosaur cape now, but it beats having to sew!
Amen to that!
It gets easier as they get older, but a lot less literary. My eldest has gone to school dressed as Harry Styles, that well-known hero of teen fiction. Her costume cost nothing as she wore jeans and a white T-shirt. Last year she was a Muggle.
Gretta, I literally laughed out loud at this costume. I hope her hair was Styles-ian.
I’ve just gone through similar terrors (but was saved by organised Mum at school with loaned outfit). Love the Owl – brilliant.
Lmao, I hate fancy dress days at school, I was not made for these! Mih x