Christmas is one of the happiest occasions in our yearly calendar, one we all look forward to and a moment when family and friends are celebrated the world over.
We spend months of preparations, endless lists and a whole lot of thinking goes into this wonderful time of the year and yet it’s also a time when loss is felt deeply, it’s more acute now than ever because it’s supposed to be a happy time of year and you can’t find it in you to be happy.
I’d like to spare a thought for all of those who will not be enjoying this Christmas because the pain of loss is too hard to bare.
Each one of us knows somebody who will have lost a dear one this year; a car accident, the shop assistant whose mother lost her battle against cancer, the parents in Conneticut who sent their children to school and never saw them again. I can’t imagine their pain this Christmas
We lost dad five years ago and as I was chatting with a school mum recently whose father was killed in a fluke car crash a month ago, the first year is the hardest to get through because of all the firsts. First birthday without him, first anniversary, first Christmas, they’re all there to tease and upset and amplify your loss even more.
It’s always going to be hard but as the years pass by it does become easier, I promise.
So this post is for everyone out there who’s missing somebody this Christmas, BritMums send a special warm hug to you, we know it’s hard but we’re thinking of you and holding your hand until the sun rises once again.
About Marianne Whooley
BLOGS AT: Mari's World; TWITTER: @maris_world. Mother of four and gran to two Marianne Whooley has spent half her life in the UK and the other half in Italy. Blogging since Jan 2010, she finds it hard to drag herself away from her laptop. She likes to dabble in the kitchen, mess around with a camera, play at gardening, and she’s an expert in packing suitcases. She’d quite like to be an author translated into 25 languages but what she’s really good at is being a mum, a woman and a good friend.
Lovely post Mari. As you know BritMums and bloggers helped me massively through my recent loss. I know your words are true – time does heal and eventually you celebrate what you had rather than focussing too strongly on what you have lost. I have not put that very well but I think you will know what I mean.
I always think this time of year is the hardest to deal with, my thoughts are with you Kate as you go through the first year
Our ‘Year of Firsts’ was finished in July 2010, and we celebrated with a huge picnic and the scattering of his bike kit ashes. It was a cathartic year, and although time hasn’t healed for me, it has changed things. My son has, thankfully, had the support of Scotty’s Little Soldiers, which has made a wonderful difference to the way he thinks and believes, and looks at the future.
Thankyou for writing this though, it helps.
Big hugs Sarah and well done for getting through the first year and celebrating too. I’m happy to hear your son has had such special support as this can only reflect on your own life, the happier he is, the easier it makes life for you.
Best of luck with 2013, may you find serenity
It has been over 8 years for me but the pain hasn’t gone. She is in everything I do. The year of firsts is the hardest. A great post