Sometimes, says Muddling Along Mummy, the internet world is a great place – supportive, welcoming, informative and fun. Sometimes the internet world is a horrid place and she wonders why she’s getting involved in it and with the people that inhabit it…
Years ago I was a member of an internet forum and it was great – it gave me somewhere to talk to people and I made several real life friends. As I got more involved in blogging and Twitter, and as various spats got carried away (and work clamped down on personal internet use) I stopped posting so much.
Today I’ve been back and read a thread that has made me question why I do things in the virtual world.
I’ve signed up to a couple of bloggers’ networks recently – I had a bit of time and in one case they asked me nicely and it seemed like a fairly easy thing for me to sign up to. I have popped over to the sites (I’ve been members of both for years although not active) and dithered about whether to introduce myself but haven’t.
Something came up, I got distracted and, well, I didn’t say hello.
Turns out that there’s a whole host of unwritten rules about these places and you are damned if you don’t introduce yourself and damned if you do.
I’m not a prude and I’m fairly robust but the tsunami of abuse that greeted one introductory post struck me as totally over the top. And the language made me feel uncomfortable. I swear – I’ve worked in an investment bank and I can keep up with the big boys when it comes to using foul language. But I don’t tend to type it for others to read, I don’t put things up on the internet that I would feel uncomfortable if my friends read.
I did wonder if perhaps the anonymity of these places, with their convoluted usernames and no photos, is perhaps part of the problem. If we are writing something that can be linked right back to us and found by those we know and love, are we a little more careful of how we put ourselves out there (obviously not if you’re Rachel Johnson but that’s a different issue) but if we can hide behind another identity, in a place where being forthright is encouraged, is it easier to behave without as much of a veneer of civilisation?
Psychologists call it ‘deindividuation’ – that social norms can be withdrawn when identities are hidden.
There have been experiments to back it up include one with American children at Halloween where trick or treaters were invited to take sweets left on a table which also had some money left on it. When the children arrived on their own and without masks only 8% took the money. When they arrived in larger groups, with their faces behind masks, that number increased to 80%. Being an anonymous, faceless member of the crowd meant that they were willing to break rules that they would normally abide by.
It’s the same thing that happens when people get into their car and feel that they can scream abuse at other drivers for minor misdemeanours, it’s what causes football supporters to chant racist or homophobic abuse.
And on the internet it seems to be what allows people to use the cover of a username or avatar, surrounded by strangers, to say things that they almost certainly wouldn’t say if they met that person in real life, in a room of real people.
But surely the concept of standing by our good name and not doing something that would embarrass our Gran still stands? The internet is a great big public place and everything we do leaves a virtual footprint that can be tracked and saved and ultimately linked back to us in our real lives. I do wonder what the friends and relations of some of these people would feel if they read these posts and I do wonder if the posters realise that every single thing that they are writing is there for posterity and can (and probably will) be found.
Does the concept of standing by your name exist in the internet or are we all just hiding behind our online identity?
About Holly Seddon
Holly Seddon is the BritMums blog editor. She's a writer, editor and community consultant and helped launched the community for Adoption UK, which won charity website of the year just 9 months later. She also writes a music blog and is a near-constant presence on the BritMums network.
This reminds me of a friend on facebook who after posting their status as ‘heading to Amsterdam for a weekend on the Haze’ was promptly sacked on his return.
People get carried away from behind a computer screen in the privacy of their own home (oo-er!). It’s all to easy for spur of the moment rash opinions or judgements to come pouring out after a few cheeky glasses of vino whilst online.
I try and work on the theory only to say things that you’d actually say to someone if they were in front of you. I’ve found there are plenty of keyboard tough-guys (which sadly I mean to be judgemental mothers on the likes of babycenter – those forums can get hellish bitchy!).
If you wouldn’t want your mother to read it then probably best not to type it !
Great thought provoking post. I agree with Annie; I think it is too easy for people to get carried away without thinking about what they’re writing. Perhaps the annonymity of the internet is part of the reason but there again there are plenty of people who do regulate their online behaviour. For me I try and think about what I’m typing before pressing the publish button. As my mum used to say “if you cant say anything good, then don’t say it”. I think she has a point particularly when talking to someone or about someone.
I think people can get carried away on forums as it’s almost like it’s their own little corner of the internet except, unless it’s a private forum that they have personally created, it isn’t. I joined various ones a while ago but for the most part it seems to all be very personal and cliquey, with people using animated signatures and cute gravatars to hide behind when they say something out of line.